I am rather tired.

This evening, I fell several times because my left leg is not working very well. You have probably seen a sign somewhere that states the definition of insanity is repeating something over and over and expecting different results. Well, I suppose you could say I am insane.

I fell, because I kept rising from the couch thinking I could walk. I am now sporting several carpet burns and a short temper.

When this happens, I know it is because I am overly fatigued. I know this, but I have been unable to sleep much. I have had a lot of pain lately that makes falling asleep difficult and when I managed to do so, I have had terrible dreams.

I stopped the physical therapy, telling myself I would get a second opinion from another therapist since the one I was seeing transferred to another clinic. Yet, a week as has passed without making the call to gain another appointment.

I should get brownie points, however, for continuing the stretching and abdominal exercises that I learned from the therapy despite the fact that doing so is rather painful. I am trying. Having my pain increased tenfold from that blasted traction is just so discouraging. Then, too, my left thumb and right shoulder have never recovered from going without the pain medicine for a week. Between them and my back, everything I do causes pain. Everything.

B listened to me weep for a rather long time this evening, offering love and support that changes nothing and yet alters everything. I had been holding the pieces of my heart together, waiting for her to get home from choir. I knew she would not know what to say, but I also knew she would listen. God poured out a measure of grace to me this evening. In that, I am truly blessed.

May I remember that even if it seems as if I am being swallowed by darkness, a beacon of light has been given to me by the One who will never fail.

Needless to say, remaining positive has been as struggle as well.