The cardiac study was difficult, to say the least.  I grew quite ill from the process and I would not willingly do such a thing again.  However, the number were quite clear; the data the cardiologist wanted for confirmation of her diagnosis popped up right away.  So, apparently, I have dyautonomia.

In a nutshell, my brain is not sending the right signals to my heart.  As my blood pressure drops, my heart rate should increase, but it just drops along with my blood pressure.  So, the fainting...at least some of it...is vasovagal syncope, which is also why when I fall down I awake from the faint because the change in position allows proper blood flow.  To compound the problem, my blood pressure is low.  I didn't know that because I am usually so darned nervous in doctor's offices, that it doesn't really show.  However, it is so low now that even being nervous the problem is evident.  So, when my blood pressure drops, say with standing and the pull of gravity on my blood to my feet and my heart doesn't leap into action as it would with a normal person, there simply is no room left for error.

We didn't talk much about the symptoms and such, but if you Google and check out the Wiki entry, it is very, very interesting to read some of the symptoms:  fatigue, anxiety, salt-craving, excessive thirst, low heart rate....

Now, I think I have blogged about the Panera salad, but maybe I have just told everyone in my life, but not my journal here to remember for later.  In any case, I went online to check out the nutritional values again and was surprised to see it has 1,320mg of sodium.  Voila!  I have my answer of why it is that when I eat that salad I feel so darned good afterward.  I was concentrating on the fact that it was very high protein/low carb combination and an acceptable calorie level.

I never so much cast an eyeball at the sodium because, in general, I don't cook with salt, so any I get with the occasional higher amounts I might get with eating-out meals didn't seem to be a concern.  My grandparents all had heart disease and both my grandfathers died young from heart attacks, one very, very young.  I started taking baby aspirin at 37 and have always kept an eye on cholesterol levels.  Heart disease is the leading cause of death women, so that combined with my family history has made me try to be careful about that area.

To combat the low blood pressure, I am supposed to greatly increase my salt intake.  That is such a strange thing to hear.  But, in any case, the reason that salad always made me feel good is that it had exactly what I was needing.

This is also why drinking water never seems to quench my thirst, but drinking Gatorade makes me feel better as well.  And then there is the asparagus. I was cooking it with Bettina's Handsome Groom's homemade organic garlic salt.  I craved the stuff like it was chocolate because I needed that seasoning.

Other than salt, I am starting a new medication this coming week (the pharmacy had to order it) that should blunt the vesovagal reaction and increase my heart rate.  Hopefully, this will be enough to avoid a pacemaker.  And I have to over hydrate and wear compression stockings, both of which for different reasons will make my heart work less.  Compression stockings.  Boy, do I feel like an old woman.

Coming home alone was not a good idea.  The woman who ferried me home, a stranger to me from church, needs a knee replacement, so I did not ask her to bring me upstairs.  I do not have a bathroom on the main floor.  The choice is always up or down. I figured the basement would be better because the stairs are carpeted, but I feel anyway.  The whole day just went downhill from there.

And then there was the sad fact that I did not trust some advice I was given as I should have.  I thought the person was being over protective.  But I have come to understand that I have no real perspective of what protective is. I think any protectiveness would seem to be over-protective to me.  Learning that lesson has been very, very painful.  Very difficult to swallow.  For I was hurt again when I did not have to be.

I did not make it to Divine Service this day, much to my great sorrow.  I hunger for the Lord's Supper and the forgiveness and healing therein.

I am just so wobbly and weak.  The latter is probably made worse because I haven't really eaten since Wednesday.  Thursday was that crazy day at work doing those blasted post cards, then I slept after work, and by the time I could have eaten, it was almost in the window that I wasn't supposed to eat for the cardiac study, so I didn't bother.  Friday was the cardiac study, which made me really, really nauseous, and then the fall, and then I threw up all night, and then yesterday I slept all day, and today, I have not felt strong enough to stand and prepare something...not that there's much besides eggs and milk and tea and cheese in the refrigerator...frozen chicken in the freezer...and Trader Joe's corn, of course.  I could make a breakfast meal, but the thought of standing in the kitchen long enough to cook is overwhelming.  I could order a pizza, but that would be way too much carbohydrates on an empty stomach, the sure-fire way to plummet my blood sugar.

I want to ask the endocrinologist her opinion the next visit I have.  What triggers the low blood sugar episodes is often not clear, but I have noticed that eating carbohydrates on an empty stomach does so 1.5 to 4 hours later.  And then some types of sugar seem to be also dangerous, even in smaller doses, even when eaten with protein.  For example, jelly on a dinner roll is just plain something I should avoid.  So, I want to ask if she will test me for reactive hypoglycemia.  That would explain things better.  Because it doesn't make sense otherwise that I can go without eating and not plummet to the depths that bother me so much when I actually do eat. Of course, I should be eating.  If my dear Bettina were here, she would cook for me.  My writing student would as well...or even bring me a Panera Salad!

I am hoping sleeping enough today might help me get over the strain of the test and be able to get up and out tomorrow...or at least cook.

I do find it strange that I am not hungry at all.  I should be.

Back to sleep for me now....


Lord, I am Yours.  Save me!