Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.  

But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind.  For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord, being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.  

But the brother of humble circumstances is to glory in his high position; and the rich man is to glory in his humiliation, because like flowering grass he will pass away.  For the sun rises with a scorching wind and withers the grass; and its flower falls off and the beauty of its  appearance is destroyed; so too the rich man in the midst of his pursuits will fade away.  

Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him.

~James 1:2-12

What does it mean to consider it all joy?

Today, for the very first time, I believe, I have actually seriously wondered what this could mean.  I know I have pondered it before in passing, but never was still before God and asked Him to explain this passage to me.  Not that the Holy Spirit was going to appear, but that somehow, some way, I might learn.

The new medication is rough.  Period.  I have been nauseous since I started it.  Now vomiting and other unpleasant plumbing problems have begun.  And I have had that wretched plucked-guitar-string feeling and the shakes all day long.  It is as if I have been nebulizing constantly.  Of course, I should point out my oxygen sats have already been higher than they have in a long, long time.  In fact, Friday, during the cardiac study, the monitor kept sounding because I was dropping below 90 from time to time.  But is this worth it?  SIGH.

I know it is too soon to tell.  My heart rate has not been all that much higher, but it has crept up a bit.  But while sitting talking to the VP, just sitting down, I was fighting dizziness and seeing shooting stars!  My goodness, the medication is supposed to make that better, not worse.

I have, for a long while, been very sensitive to medications.  And, per Murphy's Law, if you can have a reaction, I do.  Except for Motrin.  That stuff bothers many a person's stomach, but I can down handfuls (four at a time) and not even notice a thing save for the relief from pain.

When I was a missionary in Africa, there was a young female missionary in another country on the continent who was scratched by a cat, did not seek medical attention, and died from rabies.  Well, in short order, the mission was vaccinating all its missionaries across the world for rabies.  I became quite ill from the shot. 

I called both the doctor's office and the pharmacist and got the same answer:  Give it time.  Allow your body to get used to the medication.

So, as the afternoon wore on and I had to keep lunging for the trash can, I admit that I was struggling to find a single reason for joy in this trial. How is it that by and with and through and under the cross that we are loved, cared for, and strengthened in our faith?  That is a mystery I have been pondering, trying to wrap my ex-Protestant mind about.  But what does it mean to consider it all joy?

Least I misrepresent the whole of this day, Biblical Greek class was blessedly free from vomiting, though the nausea was (and still is) nearly unbearable.  What was blessed, however, was that the woman who introduced herself to me last week sat next to me and we chatted and laughed and compared notes on who's who for we had both tried to write everyone's name down last week...yes, it took 4 classes for the pastor to get around to introductions!  I am thinking I might just make those placards you stick on the front of conference tables during meetings, because I realized that many people did not know the names of those around them.  I found that odd and truly surprising.

She also brought me a book to borrow on MS and fetched the pastor when he had already gone upstairs before I could talk with him.  Such kindness.

This morning, if you had told me that I would laugh this evening, I would have scoffed at you.  This afternoon, had you declared the same, I would have called you truly deluded.  Do you not see my wretchedness?  Yet, there I was actually laughing.

While I am not sure yet, but I may very well call her Sunshine, for the light of Christ shines brightly in her.  God willing, she is coming for a visit August 21st!  [So, "Manna," I have met my homework assignment for the month!]

Several people asked why the pastor does not call me Myrtle (I have to work on that since he rather firmly admonished us this very evening that by no means should anyone ever call him by the shortened form of his name, thank you very much, lest he be forced to physically correct you...unless you were his mom and dad whom he cannot strong arm in the least...though it went unspoken, I am sure his Lovely Bride would beat him with one hand tied behind her back should it come to that for she is quite bold and quick witted and goes tit for tat in his banter), so I actually had a chance to explain all my names. 

The actually class left me drowning in the second declension of nouns.  I cannot even tell you what that means.  I fear that does not bode well for my progression in this language challenge.  Yet, I yearn to still try, for the pastor blithely mentioned how there is this Greek word for child [one live or living, I believe] that actually is used for unborn children and is also used for believers.  "In learning one Greek word," he quipped, "you strike down the fallacy of Baptist's argument against infant baptism and all the pro-choicers out there."  With my whole heart, my whole being, I want to be able to read the New Testament in its original language and see these things for myself.

SIGH.

Still, despite the respite just before Greek class, I have no joy in this day, in the things that I am facing...in that I am facing them.  What does that mean?  Joy?

~~~~
In case you were wondering, a twinkie has 230 mg of sodium.

For every child of God defeats this evil world, 

and we achieve this victory through our faith.  ~I John 5:4

18.  JESUS GIVES US VICTORY

"Victory" is a good sports word.  Victory is about vanquishing a foe, achieving a success in battle.

Whether or not we've ever played pro ball, we all know about battling foes, because we all battle our sinful nature every day.  It's hard to love the way God loves and follow the commands He left us.  But with the power of Christ within us, we can overcome our sinfulness, and we can participate in God's glorious plan to conquer evil—for good.  No matter how much we may feel like the underdog, Jesus in us ensures our victory.

Lord, I believe.  Help my unbelief!