Breathing...

Early this morning, I awoke abruptly coughing and gasping and struggling to breathe.  It is a terrifying way to awake.  I had forgotten that.

I miss the theophylline.  I mean, it clearly was starting to cause more problems than it helped, but I miss it.  I miss the control it gave me over my asthma.

In the intervening years, emergency inhalers have changed.  At least, for me they have.  The best news was that the combination of drugs that I use in my nebulizer are now available in an emergency inhaler.  The best news about that is that I qualify for patient assistance program on that inhaler.  Having used it muchly, I adore it.  Quite effective.

Except.
Except when you awake in the early morning coughing, gasping, and struggling to breathe.
SIGH.

I slept until around 3:00 in the afternoon, once my breathing finally got better, my heart rate dropped, and my blood pressure came back down.  My response to the asthma drugs was blunted, somewhat, by using the extra half-dose of metoprolol, but I couldn't wait before taking it and using my nebulizer.  The attack was the worst one since moving here.  The kind that I used to drive myself on over to the ER to address.

The Parkview ER is a half hour away (at least I don't think there is a closer one).  I am fairly certain I could go to an out-of-network ER in an emergency, but I wouldn't much like that kind of paperwork/insurance battle.  Plus, when I have asthma meds, my heart rate and blood blood pressure swing wildly and it's important medical personnel have some understanding of dysautonomia before plying me with heart and BP drugs.

Then there is the whole shame angle.  Back in Alexandria, I had a system.  I wore these stretchy undershirt things that could stay on in x-ray.  Now, my abdomen is too sore to wear them.  Maybe if I found larger ones, but I am not sure.  Then there is the pacemaker thing.  Before, I was rarely placed on a monitor.  Now, it seems like everyone wants me on a monitor.  And it's pretty much impossible to keep yourself covered up when you have folk sticking pads on your chest and abdomen and even legs.

But I almost went this morning.
I suppose I should investigate where to go.
Instead I nebulized at home today.
Several times.

In between neublizing, I found myself drowning in the need to DO SOMETHING.  So, I did, though most of my doing was around food.  I:

• cut Amos' nails
• took my beloved Fluffernutter for a walk
• made bacon-wrapped fillet mignon with boursin cheese
• poached chicken with lemon, garlic, and thyme for salads and such
• cooked up some crumbled bacon bits for my salads
• made a Betty Crocker batch of molasses cookies (sadly, I don't like them ... what is wrong with me???????)
• built myself a fire
• and finished the day with some of those luscious scrambled eggs with spinach, sun-dried tomatoes, and goat's milk cheese. 

I'm tuckered out ... breathing better, but tuckered out.