I was a fool...

I'm a fool.  I truly am.

This is my folly.

This bed was not existing when I moved here.  It was grass that I turned into a long, winding bed that starts over at the back porch steps, goes over to the side fence, and wraps around the corner and down its length.  The other beds, with years and years of plantings in them, have luscious soil in them. This bed has clay.

Thick clay.
Heavy clay.

This end of the bed has never been finished.  I thought I had finished last year, but the poor (expensive) variegated maple tree and the two St. John's wort I planted could not take the sun.  One of the bushes died.  The other I moved over to the bulb bed as a center piece.  The tree Firewood Man moved last fall over to the where the end of the haven now is.  So far, the tree looks happier there.  It has several hours of shade a day.  I am crossing my fingers most fervently that that happiness will remain during the mini-drought that Fort Wayne has every July-August.

I was fetching a pump sprayer for the neem oil I was advised to buy for both the carpenter ants I discovered and to tackle the powdery mildew that is sure to come back this year on the cucumbers that I am trying to grow again when I spotted A BARGAIN.  There were some really beautiful azaleas that are rated for sun that were substantially discounted ... maybe because the blooms are almost all gone?? ... so I stood in front of them for a long while wondering if they were finally the best way to finish the bed.

In the bed, there is a weigelia bush at the corner by the steps.  Then I have my beloved rock river that winds over in front of the burning bushes that are along the back wall (dining room) of my house.  In the corner as you turn along the side fence is a, now, ginormous smoke tree.  Next are three substantial Rose of Sharon that were started from three rather beleaguered, half-dead sprouts that I found on the other side of the yard.  If you haven't guessed, I am trying to block the view to my neighbor's yard (a bit junky there) and garage (more junkiness).  I was happy to find azaleas that were a bit larger and substantial, even knowing it will be several years before they fill the space.

I looked and looked and looked for another tree that could go there, but I just couldn't find something.  I thought about another lilac tree like I put over on the other side of the back steps, but it wasn't calling out to me as something good for blocking.  The tag on these bushes says that they grow between 5 and 7 feet tall and about 5 feet wide.  That would be just lovely.

However, did I do the right thing and ask Firewood Man to plant them? No!  I was a FOOL and tried myself.  He's so very busy and I doubted he could find the time.  He'd say just leave them in the pots for a while.  I know had I not bought them, the bushes would still be in the pots, but I have this thing where when I bring a plant or bush or tree home, I have to get it out of the pot immediately.

When I was working, I felt a couple of tweaks in my back that surprised me.  I ignored the warning signs though.  The first hole was hard, but the second, was a tad less brutal for me.  I think I went about digging it better.  Then, about half-way through the third hold, my back SCREAMED in pain and I SCREAMED and fell to the ground, scraping my elbow.

I was terrified.  I did not want to call 911, but I couldn't move.  The pain was just too much.  After a while, I called Firewood Man and begged him to finish the hole and get the bush into the ground.  I was so worried about that, in addition to what was going to happen to me.  He said he could pop by in the morning (it was about 7:30 on Friday evening).  I was so relieved.  I told him I wasn't sure what I was going to do but I was trying to get inside to my heating pad.  He very wisely told me not to use heat right way, but ice my back for a while.  I hung up before trying to move because I didn't want to him to hear me wail.

I levered myself up using the shovel and the rake.  And then I used the rake to get myself to the back steps.  Once inside, I have used all my energy to both endure the pain and try to get my back better.

I honestly thought I was going to have to call 911 to my back yard.  I have never been that scared for my health.  Well, I was pretty terrified getting the pacemaker.  The pain was as bad as when I tore the muscle in my neck when I was in college (I dropped a metal iron on it).

I did what anyone with acute lower back pain should do:  I Googled!  I found this really great article that covered acute lower back pain in a comprehensive manner, going from possible causes to treatment to long-term outlook.  The article confirmed ice for 48-72 hours is best before switching to heat.  I suspect this is ligament oriented because I refuse for it to be disk.  I hurt something on the left side of my pelvis, so not my large back muscles.  Small mercy.

The author, in discussing pain medication, noted that opioids did little to help, but trammodol was often effective.  I have a prescription for three days from last fall that I never used because I get so concerned about any drug that is addictive because 1) I am quite sensitive to drugs and 2) I come from generations of alcoholics and addicts.  So, my main goal was to make it upstairs to the trammodol.  I did.  Thankfully.

I was already thinking about cutting some of the pills in half to stretch them out longer when I realized that the original prescription was filled in error.  There was supposed to be 12 pills and there were only six.  So, I took three whole, stretching them out over eight hours instead of six.  And then I cut the other three pills in half, because I read that trammodol and tylenol have a synergistic effect.  So I am combining those two, hoping to get by.

The author stated that most acute lower back pain recedes by the end of a week, where movement is management and healing can begin in earnest.  And he stated that most injuries are resolved within four weeks.  That gave me hope.  Only my birthday celebration is in two weeks! I have to be MUCH better by then.

Today, I thought, since I can walk if I hold my back perfectly straight, that I would try to take Amos for his walk.  It's been raining since I hurt my back and he's been holding his major business since Thursday, with one dart outside and one accident inside.  In the first two blocks, Amos conducted his major business four times.  He was one relieved puppy dog.

I thought the walking would be the hardest part, but I was knocked down by a young girl on her plastic tricycle.  Since I listen to music, I didn't hear her coming up behind me, so I had no warning.  Suddenly I was crumbled on the ground crying out in pain.  The little girl was laughing and her father came and fetched her and her older brother to go inside their house.  Neither of them apologized or offered to help me.

I lay on the ground for a long, long time, Amos draped across my legs.  I didn't call out for help because I am still haunted by how long I screamed for help during the pit bull attack.  Later, folk said I sounded just like children playing, so that was why they ignored my pleas for so long.  Screaming SOMEBODY HELP ME doesn't seem like children playing to me.  But what do I know.

Finally, someone actually stopped to ask if I needed help, which I did.  The woman went and got her husband to pull me up to a standing position so that I could hobble home.  They offered to drive me, but I did not think that I could fold myself into their car.  I am feeling rather wretched all around.  And lonely.  And foolish.  But mostly lonely.

That a father could watch his daughter run me down and not try to stop her or help me.
That I lay on the ground so long today, as car after car drove by, without help.
That I screamed so long without help back during the pit bull attack.

The pain is better today than it was about 53 hours ago.  That is something.  I am trying very, very, very hard to stay in the moment and not think about how long it might take for me to get better and whether or not I created a permanent problem in my back.  And I am applying lots and lots and lots of Fluffernutter therapy.

I was such a fool.