Saturday, September 09, 2017

My days...

I battle with bouts of severe symptoms in the early hours of the morning and finally fall asleep some time around 7:30 AM.  From there, it is a continual round of waking up from dreams, crawling out of bed, tending to my bodily needs, trudging downstairs to fetch fresh icepacks, trudging back upstairs to crawl back into bed, only to repeat about every two hours.  Over and over until I crawl out of bed for good some time around 4:00 in the afternoon.

I dress, make the bed, grab my basket of things, and trudge downstairs with Amos.  I take Amos outside and fill the water fountain on the front porch.  Then, I collapse on the sofa and long to take a nap.  Seriously, I could sleep another couple of hours after all of that effort.  I am so weary that I usually do not even read or stream or listen to music.  I sit.  And give thanks for Amos' presence.

After a long, long rest, I prepare something for me to eat and fill Amos' bowl.  By the time I've eaten and cleaned up, it is some time around 6:00 PM.  Since I now take my meds at 5:00 AM, 6:00 AM, 7:00 AM, 12:00 PM, 4:00 PM, 6:00 PM, 7:00 PM, and 12:00 AM, I feel like what I do most days is take medicine.  And from the time I awake, I've got three alarms going off in the first three hours of being up!

I try to get my walking in some time around 7:00-ish, depending on how well I feel after I've eaten and how dizzy I am from weariness.  I walk.  I sweat.  I collapse on the sofa.  Usually, I end up napping in the mid-evening hours because I am just so tired!  All.  The.  Time.  Then, I wake up around 10:00 PM and have a window of productivity that I try to seize if I'm not battling a second bout of the Violent Waves of Nausea that rule my life.  So, when the rest of the world is winding down for the night, I'm trying to enjoy something of my "day."

Tonight, that meant continuing on my mission to refill my larder.  I got the bacon bits and sun-dried tomato chicken meatballs made.  That leaves only baking.  One of the things I wanted to make are honey graham crackers, but that dough has to be refrigerated overnight.  So, I wanted to get that done this evening, even though the baking would be done tomorrow.  I also wish to make Irish Soda Muffins and one of my cookie mixes.  You see, the dessert shelf in the freezer has mostly empty glass containers on it at the moment.  I would like them filled back up!

I feel like I've been cooking all week, and that's because I have!  And because I haven't been cooking in a while.  I know I need to do so when there is no more room in my mason jar drawer.  The dessert shelf has been empty for eons, so I'll be glad to have some more options in there.  Since I have space in the basement refrigerator freezer and I'll be opening buttermilk for the muffins, I am thinking on also making Double Chocolate Dr Pepper Cake and some more homemade ranch dressing.

One of the small gains that I have made lately is that I have finally come to terms with the idea of sleeping when I can.  If I cannot sleep, I won't lie around in bed.  It isn't insomnia.  It's symptoms.  When I can sleep, I do.  Even if that is all day.

I keep trying to sleep only at night, like a normal person.  But the cycle of nausea and other symptoms are worst in the wee hours of the day.  I schedule as many appointments as possible in the late afternoon and sleep when I can.  When I can sleep and wake more like the rest of the world, I do find myself rejoicing a bit.  But if it is early afternoon and I'm still so dizzy I can barely stand, I just fetch more ice packs and sleep more.

It's a good thing Amos is amenable to sleeping at any hour of the day.  Basically, he's happy as long as he's with me.  The same is true for me, though it is difficult for me to hold on to that bliss when my body ills overwhelm me.

I'm still a bit shell-shocked from yesterday morning...

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