When I was first diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, it was in large part due to having this strange headache from May until October.

It wasn't a sinus headache. It wasn't a tension headache. It wasn't a migraine. In fact, no one ever really understand how I described it (or would describe it now because I get the same headache from time to time). The pain feels as if it were on the top of my head, resting like a bowl. And the best adjective I have for it is that it is sweet. What does that mean, you ask? I cannot really answer.

I used to enjoy long soaks in the tub. I would take a book and read amidst the steam. But when I got out of the tub, I would find myself completely enervated, stumbling to the bed to collapse, often not even making it that far. After a couple of hours, I would recover. Silly me, I never realized that it was the heat that weakened me so.

I had a patch of numbness on the upper half of the back of my right leg. Sitting down was strange, feeling a chair beneath one leg and the not other.

I dropped things, quite easily. I would think that I had my toothbrush, and then it would fall into the sink...along with eye shadow, mascara, blush. I started fumbling when I played the guitar.

My vision would blur. Walking became difficult. And it was the beginning of my cognitive decline. But...it was the headache that ultimately lead to my diagnosis.

I have never forgotten those five months of constant pain. Pain that is not easily ignored.

Three years ago, when I was diagnosed with arthritis, it was because my lower back would become so stiff that moving (sitting, standing, lying down) was excruciating. My wrist, ankle, and elbow joints would stiffen and hurt, but it was my back that became unbearable. That is why Celebrex is my most cherished possession. With that drug, I can function. I still hurt. Riding in a car for more than a couple of hours becomes unbearable. Lying in bed too long becomes painful, yet I oft need the extra sleep because I am so fatigued.

Unfortunately, sometimes on weekends I forget to take my medicine because my routine is different--mainly I am sleeping through the time I normally take it. After a few hours, I am acutely reminded how much of a difference Celebrex makes in my life. The sad part is that I usually don't figure out until the next day (or sometimes two) that the reason I feel so bad is that I forgot my MS, asthma, and arthritis medicine.

Why am I writing about this?

Well, last Thursday, when I was struggling to stay conscious in my boss's office, she asked me if I were in pain. And I actually was...more so than usual. These sharp pains had started running up and down my spine.

It has been a week. They have not stopped. I am remembering those five months...and wondering.