I just don't get people. Or Capital One.

The latter has the worst customer service on the planet. Seriously. Frankly, the things claiming to be people there don't really qualify in my book.

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My mother is better. She turned a corner so to speak Tuesday. Her first real orders? She doesn't want my sister to visit her. My brother is welcome to wait on her hand and foot, but my sister is not even welcome in the Hospital. Now do you get why Thanksgiving with B and her family was heaven to me? In my family, it is all criticism, judgment, and rejection...in sickness and in health.

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Well...the HVAC at work is still shut off. I managed to make it through the day today through sheer will power. UGH. I have a small cooling unit in my office, but it really cannot compensate for no air elsewhere. And when I had a meeting in the conference room, it was all I could do not to chew off a few heads before the trembling and fumbling words started. Hot and bothered is my new middle name. I have to go in tomorrow, but at least I get to work with my writing student in the evening.

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The bulk of yesterday was spent at a seminar on green choices companies can make with regard to paper and printing. The primary speaker was Derek Smith, an international guru in the paper industry. He gave a fascinating speech that began with the whole world and ended in my hands. I definitely plan to use EcoSmart ink from now on and will push using FSC certified printing jobs.

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I spend some free time drafting a benefits manual and a step-by-step, illustrated guide for signing up for an online account with our health insurance carrier and printing a verification of coverage letter as a place-holder until ID cards are mailed. I also have started collecting PDF versions of all the forms that need to be filled out and submitted, including the ones for FSA claims. Next, I want to tackle a new employee checklist for both the company and for the employee. Then, I shall sit on this stuff until someone asks for help...but at least it will be ready to go. The organization tasks helped me work through my frustration with the lack of a system for human resources at this very laudable organization.

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There is a torrential storm brewing outside. Kashi is frenetic. I do wish there was some way for me to comfort him. Even I am a bit concerned with the tornado warnings all over the television stations. And, of course, there is always the worry that raindrops falling upon raindrops will accumulate to the point of seeping across the basement floor. I would rather not be sopping up water any time soon. At least the plantings I did on Tuesday are getting a good soaking, and the harsh rain is a great way to clean out the fountain!

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Given that my thoughts are all over the page, I would like to return to two evenings ago...all that blissful puttering about with soil and flowers and moss gardens. That whole day and the next, I was having great pain in my left ankle. It was sharp and sweet and swift and piercing, fleeting but repetitive. The pain was distracting. My ankle sometimes gave way as if there were nothing connecting my foot to my leg (the reason for the three times I fell mowing).

I basically worked to ignore the pain, even though it was new. I have tried aspirin, motrin, napracin, acetaminophen, my arthritis medicine, and the two narcotic pain killers left over from the surgery last year that had been gathering dust in the bathroom closet (a closet that is technically just outside the bathroom). Nothing worked...except ignoring it. This evening, the pain is gone. The pain in my wrists and arms is also much, much better.

However, the spasticity in my legs is particularly bad. For example, tonight I am doing the laundry inspired by B's total laundry victory of yesterday (or was it the day before?). Walking up the stairs, my quadriceps were so tight and painful it felt as if I had climbed a dozen flights of stairs, as if I were at the point of failure you work towards in your reps at the gym. If you poke a finger at them, it will feel like you are hitting rock (except for the...uhm...fat in them). The same is true for my hamstrings. In case you were wondering, trying to massage your own legs is rather difficult.

Patience through the first is laudable, but neglectful in the second. I really need someone to whack me upside the head each day I don't admit to stretching. Funny, isn't it? I have to do something that is painful to help alleviate another pain?

Why go here for the 1,000th time lately? Well, just yesterday I was reading an article about a pain boot camp. It is a four-week program for those with chronic pain to help deal their their lives. It is not really about alleviating the pain. For the most part, there is little to actually change pain for the folks who attend this intervention. It is about accepting the pain, about finding ways to better your life despite the pain. The cost was $20,000, I believe, but for many the cost is irrelevant. If you are not prone to suicide and there is nothing medicine can do to change, then your only choice is to live with it.

The article made me think about the episode from Eli Stone that had the mantra of "Live Brave." That's pretty good life direction, don't you think?