Do you remember the homework for tomorrow's nooner?  I have changed my mind about the verse I thought might fit for what I am thinking of, and still strongly believe would be the best answer, is really more of a passage than a single verse.  So, my answer is John 15:15. Still, I know neither is likely to be correct, and even if I were to be at biblestudy, I would surly not win the prize.

~~~~
I am still struggling with yesterday, really struggling...so much so that my heart literally hurts....

~~~~
To pile on the anguish, later in the evening, I saw a pastor post a question on a group blog that surprised me because I thought that it was essentially asking that to which I have longed for an answer.  The initial responses from his brother pastors did not really seem to fit his question, so I dared reframe it and give a specific I am sure he had not implied.  I was relieved to see, then, his response that I had done a good job of clarifying.  However, the first response to my clarification seemed to miss yet again.  A second response has me truly puzzled.

A great deal of my heart is hanging on wishing there could be an answer, but I think that people are missing what I am asking, what I clarified based on his first question, because they would rather not see, would rather not know.  And then there is the fact that I broke the social contract with raising that which should be kept secret...even again, this day, I heard the phrase knowing is a burden...I wanted to scream and shout and rage because I think it should not be so.  I keep getting told that it is not so, but it is.  Oh, how it is.

~~~~
Today, I spent over 3 hours cooking a tomato sauce for the dinner I am planning for Pizza Man, his bride, and his sister tomorrow night.  I am making these chicken things cooked in pastry.  I use crescent roll dough, fresh mozzerella, and spaghetti sauce inside, but I thought instead of buying sauce in a jar, I would make it homemade...after all they have a restaurant!  Having never done so, however, I felt pretty reckless, but purchased all the ingredients nonetheless.

Let me tell you, blanching tomatoes and then dumping them into an ice bath really does make the peel slide right off almost like magic.  However, gutting them, squeezing them, and draining them is a tedious process when you have 16 tomatoes--one made all the more so when you woefully stare at the rather small mound of tomato mush you are left with after the process and despair at the thought of actually making enough sauce out of it.

In addition to tomatoes and herbs, I added sauteed garlic, onions, carrots, summer squash, zuchini, and bell pepper.  Since I only have one pan, I had to saute each vegetable all by itself after chopping it into tiny cubes.  I also added sea salt and fresh ground pepper.  Who knows if it tastes any good, but it sure does look impressive, more like a chutney than a sauce, but that would work better inside the bread pockets anyway.  I have fresh basil to place on top of the cheese as well.

To start the evening, I have some sweet goat's milk cheese with fig.  I know, that sounds strange, but it is remarkably tasty (my boss brought it to work one day and forced me to try it).  Then I will be serving a small cup of the northern Italian white bean soup and toast.  Along with the chicken things, I am serving a wild greens salad with cranberries and feta cheese and baby asparagus wrapped in applewood smoked bacon.  A very kind person is supplying the dessert since I fail miserably at all things dessert these days.

Tomorrow, I am making my fourth trip to the grocery store (two stores actually) for the four items still remaining to be purchased:  Bremner Wafers (I am crossing my fingers on this one since they were not at the other three stores and I need a real subtle cracker to complement the cheese I've chosen); rosemary and olive oil bread (to toast with the soup), chicken breasts, and baby asparagus. 

While working on the sauce, I spent the whole time praying for Pizza Man and his family--save for a call to my godmother for cooking advice--not that they wouldn't grow ill over my cooking, but that God would sustain them through His Word the way I was working to sustain their bodies.  I prayed for their business and their testimony before their staff and customers.  I prayed for them as husband and wife, as mother and father, as children of Christ.

Later, when I was trying to figure out how much chicken I need for tomorrow, I spoke with his bride.  When she realized how upset I was, though I earnestly tried to hide it, not two minutes after I hung up with her, Pizza Man was calling me.  Though I took his call, I did not speak.  I am not sure what the point is.  Had I not already spent quite a bit of money on all the things for this thank-you dinner, I would have backed out and asked for a rain check. I do not want to wail upon his counter as I cook tomorrow. I want to be smiling and dancing, singing songs even.  They have been so very good to me.  They deserve better than the company I have to offer.

I am actually going to arrive at their home before they do and have contemplated getting everything ready and ducking out.  Would that be better?