The best laid plans...

Yesterday was to be the first of four days in which I would feel better.  This is because I would not be taking the new medication, Loestrin, which is essentially estrogen for me.  I can clearly see the benefits of taking it.  However, each evening I have headaches and am nauseous.  Some nights are worse than others.  And I am weary of sleeping in 90-minute segments all night long.  So, I really was looking forward to yesterday.  It was to be a good day and a good evening and a very good night of sleep.  I planned for it to be good.

It was not.
Surprise.

The nighttime headache never ended.  When I awoke at 6:00 a.m., the headache was even worse and the nausea began again.  I was very, very frustrated when I finally crawled out of bed around 11:00 and took care of Amos.  We both huddled on the couch, until I got a chance to talk with a long-time friend, with whom I have been trying to re-connect.  'Tis a hard thing to do when my mind is in such turmoil and I struggle so.  But she is kind and patient, and we have been talking on Fridays, her day off.  Talking with her really helped me to step outside the nausea and headache a bit.

Afterward, I got that sort of desperate feeling to do something, anything, so I worked for a short time in the attic, clearing out three more boxes. I am, I think, about done there.  By that I mean, I do not know what else to do.

For one, I have two sets of luggage.  Since travel is so hard for me, I really do not need the luggage.  So, I am not sure what to do.  Because each set is different. Both are nice.  Both I have had for years, one decades. Which pieces do I choose to keep?  Which do I donate?

For another, I have Christmas decorations up there.  I have not really decorated in nine years.  Eight of them were because of living in my last home where I could not easily get to the decorations.  And last Christmas I was  packing up, moving, and then unpacking.  I did reduce them down by two thirds, keeping only what I truly liked.  However, for me, I frankly do not understand the real need for Christmas decorations.  Christmas is about the birth of Christ, not all the decorations and parties and (though I am a secret glutton) the food.  So, I could keep just the one "decoration" I truly love: a stained glass nativity set for the hearth. But would that make me a bah humbug of a person?

The other things left are: a box of clothing from Africa that I brought home when I was a missionary there, a box of hats, four boxes of books (I have less room for books since I had built-ins in my last home), four boxes of things from my office, a box of teaching supplies, a ceiling fan, the cover to my antique typewriter, and two boxes of demi-tasse cups and the antique shelves for them because I have not found a place to hang them in my home due to the plate railing in the dining room.

Not much, really, I just do not want to turn the lovely walk-up attic into a place to squirrel away things.  Some day, I would like for it to be a reading area or something like that.  If I had ready funds, I would have storage cabinets built along three of the walls, improve the lighting, and address the floor.  So, I have worked over the past 11 months to tackle the things I stuck up there, not knowing what else to do.  Truly, I probably could just give away the hats and the African clothing.  I also will probably never need the teaching materials again.  So, perhaps, I should reduce more.

Something that I have savored about this home is that I have worked hard, even before I moved, to let go of all the things I truly did not need, some of which I have had since I was a teenager.  I really like that I know where everything is and can get to it.  Everything has a place and everything is in its place.  However, I still have stuff that I do not really need and someone else could use.  Of course (and you can now stick your tongue out at me), most of what is left is quite usable and I could find reasons to keep it for future projects or volunteering or if I were working again.

Still, the second area I worked on a bit was the basement, removing three large bags of stuff: 1 of recycling (old plastic containers I simply do not use), 1 of trash, and 1 of donations.  The latter was primarily camping and picnic supplies.  Truly, though I kept a few things should I get to do the cabin camping thing again, I let go of things I did not really need, like a napkin holder and an utensil holder. I also donated three ponchos and the last of my biking gear (I thought I had donated all of that). Actually, in writing this, I think, I shall not camp again and if I do, whomever takes me will have equipment.  I shall package up the rest of it when I am done here save for the sleeping bag and mat!

Anyway, my goal for the basement is to reduce down the office supplies. [Yes, you can laugh again.] I have donated, over the past year or so before I moved here, six boxes of office supplies.  Were I ever to become a hoarder, I think that would be my downfall.  The scary part is that I have not actually purchased office supplies in years.  Years!  Probably, I could not ever have to purchase them again, except for computer paper and toner.  SIGH.  Last week, I took two boxes to Family and Children's Services and am working on a third box for them.  One of the things I did was donate all the crayons, markers, and colored pencils that I had for the group work I used to do in my classrooms.  I have two boxes left.  I thought, just one.  See, one more thing to give away!

Anyway, with some progress made, I rested, almost giddily looking forward to an evening of no nausea, no headache, and a proper night's sleep.  So excited was I, that I ended up staying up far too late reading.

Then.
I started feeling ill.
I could not figure out why.
Finally, I realized it was my blood sugar.

It has been so long since this was a problem that I was no longer prepared for this.  I stumbled out of bed, fell down the stairs, and got my tester.  My hands were shaking so much and I was so confused that I kept ruining the test strips by jamming the wrong end into the machine.  I was sweating and weak and trying very hard not to faint.  When my blood sugar is so low, the world starts to recede and then thinking becomes like slogging through thick mud.  I really should have just gone straight to the refrigerator. When I did, I felt like a crazed person digging through a dumpster for something edible.

I no longer have a basket of drink and food in my bedroom. I no longer have easy good sugars to consume.  I am no longer used to dealing with this.  The medication I have for insulin resistance has done such a fine job for me!

I finally grabbed a ginger ale, even though soda is a poor choice for me since having a large dose of carbohydrates means crashing again a couple of hours later.  I was really, really frightened because even after drinking several large gulps, I did not start to feel any better.  So, I chugged the entire ginger ale and then started shoving cheese and peanuts and popcorn in my mouth hand over fist to try and compensate for the rush of sugar from the soda.

When it seemed that I was not going to fade away permanently, I curled up on the floor and waited for the sweating and shaking and anxiety to subside.  It was a long while before I made it back upstairs to bed. And hours still more before I could fall asleep.

A great blessing, though, was a new friend now turned neighbor one block over.  [Yes, something good came out of Facebook.]  A fellow night owl, she was awake when I texted her and Becky about what happened to have someone check on me today.  She texted me back, and we chatted as I struggled to ride out the fear that arose from how ill I was and how frustrated that I had dropped the ball and did not have what I needed upstairs.  She is so kind and so laid back. I wonder if anything would ever really phase her.  In any case, she just texted away while I calmed down and my blood sugar rose.

I remembered reading the Loestrin could affect the control of blood sugar.  I am sure that the lack of the pill last night was the trigger after 24 days of take it.  While I am not sure it would be the same tonight, I plan to eat a small feast of protein around midnight.  I think the hardest part is that I did notice that warning when I was reviewing the medication.  I worked on a schedule for my medications since I had to take it equal distance between two doses of one medication and opposite a second medication.  I was so focused on schedule, that I forgot about the blood sugar warning.  I did notice the warning so I should not have been caught off guard.

And if I were asleep when it started, if I had not been reading so foolishly late?  What then?

Mostly, I just don't want to have to think about something else.  I don't want to have to cope with something else.  I don't want to have to plan for something else.  I wanted this problem to have stayed solved.  I feel like a child stamping her foot in a fit of petulance and screaming:  No more!  No more!  No more!

SIGH.

While I was up all night, when I did finally sleep, I slept 5 hours and then 3 hours.  Note the time. I slept longer than 90 minutes at a spell!  So, even with the debacle that was yesterday, that was last night, I have high hopes for this evening.  Today, I have had no headache.  Today, I have had no nausea. Tonight, I hope to sleep and sleep and sleep some more.



I am Yours, Lord.  Save me.