Crazy thoughts...

Early Tuesday morning, I was weeping at my stupidity.  By 8:00 AM-ish, I was worried I done serious harm to my body.  As I was getting ready for my doctor appointment at 11:00, I was stifling screams.  Definitely, this was the worst bout of post-physical-labor pain yet.  I was floored by its intensity.  It was not until late Tuesday evening that the edge began wearing off and I could dare to hope for an end to the agony.

I want to write about the visit with the integrative medicine specialist, only later....

Tonight, I went to the symphony to hear the first of the four chamber performances.  Yesterday, I wore a Thermacare wrap all day.  In the wee hours of the morning today, I remembered my back brace, which is neoprene and thus makes my back hot, and put it on.  I honestly believe a normal person feeling the level of pain I am in even now and would be racing to the ER.  I think I have gotten better at enduring pain, but that is only because, as of now, Migraine pain is the only pain I am willing to medicate beyond Tylenol or Ibuprofen since anything stronger slows my already compromised digestive system to a crawl.

I did wonder about grunting and groaning and moaning as I drove, walked, and sat for the performance, but I also thought about how much I savor going to the symphony.  Music won the day.

There were three pieces, rather than two.  This is the second time that there has been a performance arts piece, something called Table Music (only in French).  Literally, they played tabletops.  I was not impressed.

The second piece was so beautiful I was weeping by the end. I was so very thankful that I dragged myself to the Fort Wayne History Center just so that I could experience Klughardt's Wind Quintet in C Major OP. 79.   I wasn't alone in the awe and wonder of it because when I went to tend to my needs during intermission, the bathroom was filled with women gushing over the performance.  It was truly spectacular and one I wish that I could add to my non-existent-but-longed-for classical music playlist.  Oh, how I wish I knew how to find and select solid performances of the pieces I have enjoyed most over the past two plus years!




The third piece ... well ... I spent the entire piece trying to figure out just what about it was keeping me from enjoying the lush composition by Brahams, his String Sextet No. 1 in B-flat major, Op. 18. If I didn't know better, I would say that one or more of the instruments was not properly tuned. But it has to be the music itself. I could never relax and become lost in it.  Just as I started to feel safe these jarring sounds that seemed absolutely wrong would poke my ears and prod me to walk out.  Only I didn't, because that would be incredibly insulting to the artists.  I do wish I could have figured out what was bothering me about the music.

All in all, I am very glad that I went.  I was late in getting to the car, since moving is still so difficult.  However, I nabbed the last spot on the street near the door (the handicapped parking ... indeed the entire lot's parking ... was already taken), when I arrived 15 minutes before the performance started.  That spot was a blessing.  If I had had to park on another street and face several blocks of walking, I would have had to forego the performance.

You would think this constant reminder of just how weakened I am and what consequences I face by trying to do things I am no longer capable of doing would finally sink in.  The thing is ... despite the still overwhelming pain ... I am rashly considering moving two of the stonecrops. I thought I had measured correctly, but today I saw that I am about six inches off on the ones to the left of the rose bush.  Yes, that will bother me.  And right now is when I should address it.  Otherwise, it is going to bother me ... maybe enough to do even more ill-advised gardening labor.