Saturday, October 03, 2015

Too much...

With all those mason jars filling up my drawer (and subsequently rather empty freezer) from going a month without a real grocery trip by eating up my freezer meals, I needed to cook.  Like yesterday.  And I did.  Starting yesterday.

I was so tired fetching groceries Thursday that I did not finish my list.  Hence, no new curry for me yet.  However, I decided this weekend I would restock my staples.  Friday, I made Chipotle Chicken Chili.  Today, I made Spicy Dr Pepper Pulled Pork and Myrtle's 15-Bean Soup (a new recipe).  Tomorrow, I plan to make Beef Stew with Beer with the meat thawing in the refrigerator.  By the end of the weekend, I shall have 44 meals back in my freezer.

I have been wanting to make 15-bean soup without using the flavoring packet.  I had not worked out how to do so and planned to make more black-eyed pea soup.  However, after thawing the bacon and the ham, I realized I was out of black-eyed peas.  So, I took the chance to plunge into the world of 15-Bean Soup without the flavoring packet.

I like the recipe I created.   I cast a very wide net and went for smoky/savory/hint-of-sweet.  Amos like it, too, carrying the "cleaned" bowl around the living room for a bit.  For the recipe, I used herbs from my raised bed.

Watching the mason jars disappear from my drawer is rather satisfying.  So, too, is seeing the empty freezer shelves filling up.  However, I will admit that all this cooking has been a bit too much for me.

That is especially so since I did try to go to the symphony tonight.  I took a shower (which was too much for me) and dressed (also too much for me given how much time I spent wrestling on my compressing stockings) and drove to the venue (too much for me given that meant walking from the parking garage to my seat).

The first half was unbelievable ... until just before the end.  As I have done for a while, I was reading as I listened using my Kindle.  Since I cannot clearly see the instrumentalists and since I like reading in such a peaceful atmosphere, I read.  At the chamber performances, there is a knitter.  I figure that I am in good company.

Only tonight an usher put a hand on my shoulder, squeezing it before sliding down to my upper arm,  to tell me to turn off my Kindle.  I jumped and yelled and started shaking like an aspen leaf.  Whatever distraction my very, very, very darkened Kindle was my reaction was far more disturbing.  SIGH.

I couldn't calm down and did not really hear the end of the final movement.  My cheeks had been flushing ever since I climbed the stairs to my seat.  I do not know what triggers it, but I always view it as a sign things are askew with my autonomic nervous system.  Being startled and touched certainly didn't hurt.

I felt a rush of searing pain from head to toe as my nerves fired on all cylinders, my heart rate sky-rocketed, and my ears started roaring. I tried taking slower breaths. I tried listening for my favorite instrument (oboe). I tried savoring the incredible historical architecture.  Nothing worked.  My body was going hay-wire and I was too tired to cope there.

Feeling like I was cheating, somehow, I left during intermission, trudging ever so slowly back to my car and back to my pajamas and my snuggly puppy dog.  No Rachmaninoff for me.  SIGH.

My head still hurts from my concussion.
My body still aches from my fall.
And I am ever so weary from life with dysautonomia.

I would not make the beef stew on the morrow except for the fact that the meat is thawed.  Would that it were a magic genie would pouf into my world, cook the stew, clean the dishes, and .... maybe ... brush my hair.

It is beginning to bother me that I have not styled my hair in years.  No hair dryer.  No curling iron.  Nothing.  All that is too much for me.  Even sitting, having my arms above my head for any amount of time is too much.  I am doing good these days to wash it.

Sometimes, though, a girl just wants her hair brushed.


Becky said...

You did make it to the symphony. That's an accomplishment. Leaving was also one. You tried to cope there, but it wasn't working. You did something.

Myrtle said...

Thank you for help reframing my thoughts about leaving. I DID do what I could. And it was better for me to get home to rest than to try and stay. I spent all day Sunday resting because of all that cooking and walking (to and from the parking).

I still don't see why reading my Kindle was too disturbing to other symphony goers.

Mary Jack said...

:( Wishing the world were understanding.