Wednesday, March 17, 2010

I had an offer to help accepted today.  If it pans out, I shall no longer feel the useless sloth on my couch, shall no longer feel as if I am doing nothing to further the kingdom of God.

Something made me offer to do desktop publishing for the pastor who went to visit my dear Bettina.  I sent him one of the booklets I have done for Pastor D. and offered to do the same or something similar should he have the need.

I have so much spare time, collapsed on my couch.  I used to volunteer all the blooming time.  It was a natural as breathing.  Now, I can do so little.  Truly, I am on the other end of the shoe with regard to volunteering because I could use some help myself.  However, I can do a decent job at basic design work, I can write, and I can edit.

Well, it turns out he has no contracted staff.  My goodness, he leapt at the offer and tossed the bulletin for Good Friday my way as a test case.  It is a 12-page booklet, but I am having trouble making things fit.  So, I got as far as I could and sent it back.  Even with the working out of things that will surely need to take place, I think I shall make life a great bit easier for this confessional Lutheran pastor who is doing all of his own publishing. 

Today was a long day for I had to go visiting cloggers with my boss.  We are having a festival in the Spring, and she's vetting entertainment acts.  I care little for dancing.  I care least for cloggers.  The day meant a lot of driving and sitting in the car, which is painful to me, and a lot of walking, which is worse.  I did bring the stool I bought for confession, which came in quite handy.  I had eyed another one with a back that I believe I should get as well, because sitting on a stool for an hour with no support is tiring as well.

I snuck several I-have-two-minutes-to-talk calls to Bettina to make it through the day.  I think I drove her crazy.  Still, we are friends!  Of course, she did beat me mercilessly in Scrabble tonight, driving my score back down into the dreaded 500s.  SIGH.  Couldn't she be a wee less brilliant?

So, after I arrived home and after I was trounced by my best friend, I spent the rest of the evening setting the Passion story and Lutheran hymnody into a bulletin.  Of course, that got me distracted since only some of the verses are being sung (gasp!) and I just had to go look up the rest of them.  And I started reading bits of Christ's life across all four that it is now nearly 4:00 in the morning.  I am still hurting so much from the long day I cannot sleep, but I am also wide awake with thoughts of Holy Week.

I may be in near despair about this whole Lent confusion, but I have it very clear what the Passion of Christ means...though...we will never truly understand the depth of that act this side of the veil.  I will not at least.

The only mar to the evening was my beloved buttercup, my precious petunia.  I am very, very worried about him.  This morning I cried on the phone with the vet because I fear the end is near.  She was very calm and suggested we try to bolster him with some new medication because his quality of life still seems high; she believes his problem is neurological more than physical pain.  Still, he is whining and whimpering far, far too much for my taste.  He will play like a puppy dog one moment and another will be nearly inconsolable, trembling at my feet.

I know Kashi is very old.  I know his time is ending.  Just not now.  Oh, please, just not now.

NOTE:  I am still too chicken to open the 13th Evening Lecture for fear the Law will beat me down....  I got only one page further in the preface of Krauth.  Need I mention that the preface is not even a part of those 830 pages?

Lord, I believe.  Help my unbelief!

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