Secret confession/absolution joy today.  The place where I have been going moved the open hour this week to the morning, so I spent the entire day with the lingering effects of having the word of forgiveness spoken over me.

I admit that going to a new father confessor has been difficult.  And confusing.  But today was better, easier.  I had been sitting on the floor, the steps to the alter really, because I cannot kneel at the rail and standing would be difficult, though not as hard.  That was awkward for him, I think, so I thought to bring a small folding stool.  I went to my favorite online store and had one sent on Saturday.  Sitting on the camp stool made me about the same height as kneeling.

His words of comfort gave me food for thought I have been chewing all the day long.  And the joy of being forgiven soaked in much, much faster than ever before, almost as soon as I was pulling away from the church.  Seriously, I honestly and completely do not understand why more Christians do not avail themselves of this magnificent gift.

When I was hollered at this afternoon, I was able to close my eyes and remember the other words spoken over me this day.  In the quiet moments, I returned to his words.  One thought I will share with you:  when you see imperatives (verb tense), you should not interpret them as a command, as we do in the English language.  Go to bed.  That is an imperative.  It is a command.  But... believe... trust... receive... those are not meant as commands.  They are meant at gifts.

I know grammar.  I knew immediately what he was saying.  But...

I've written about this before.  Remember be holy?  That doesn't mean go out and make yourself holy, but that we are holy because we have the name of Christ upon us, because we have been redeemed, by dying with Him in our baptism, we also rise with Him and thus are partakers in His holiness.  Be holy.  Receive it.  Rest in it.  Trust in it.  Of course...all of those are not commands either!

Believe.

Pastor W suggested a new book for me a while ago, one that takes a close look at Protestantism and Lutheranism:  The Conservative Reformation and Its Theology by C.P. Krauth.  He told me I could get it from Google Books, but I found that difficult to read.  So, I ordered a copy.  And promptly forgot that I did.  Being from 1871, I had to purchase it from a used book store, which then used a slow boat to ship it to me.  So, I was very surprised when I came home from work to find a box, a rather large box, on my porch.

When I opened it and that first whiff of old book wafted forth, I sighed contentedly.  But, when I reached inside and found this rather heavy tomb, I felt, perhaps, Pastor W had misjudged me.  It is 830 pages of very, very dense words! 

I spent an hour reading two pages of the preface.  Do you think this is my payback for rather blithely professing that I believe Walther to be an easy read?

Corresponding with Conservatism, Reformation, and Progress are three generic types of Christianity; and under these genera all the species are but shades, modifications, or combinations, as all hues arise from three primary colors.  Conservatism without Progress produces the Romish and Greek type of the Church.  Progress without Conservatism runs into Revolution, Radicalism, and Sectarianism.  Reformation is antithetical both to passive persistence in wrong or passive endurance of it, and to Revolution as a mode of relieving wrong.  Conservatism is opposed to Radicalism both in the estimate of wrong and the mode of getting rid of it.  Radicalism errs in two respects:  in its precipitance it often mistakes wheat for tares, and its eradication is so hasty and violent that even when it plucks up tares it brings the wheat with them.  Sober judgment and sober means characterize Conservatism.  Reformation  and Conservatism really involve each other.  That which claims to be Reformatory, yet is not Conservatism, is Sectarian; that which claims to be Conservative, and is not Reformatory, is Stagnation and Corruption. True Catholicity is Conservatism, but Protestantism is Reformatory; and these two are complementary, not antagonistic.  The Church's problem is to attain a Protestant Catholicity or Catholic Protestantism.  This is the end and aim of Conservative Reformation. (vii-viii)
 
Perhaps in a year I might be able to tell you the topic of the first chapter?

Though I am happy to have a new book, I will also admit that I am afraid to read the next evening lecture of my beloved Walther.  It is the second half of his theses about not mixing up Law and Gospel for your audience.  Meaning, to those who are burdened, anguish and terrified, give only Gospel and not one mote of Law.  For those who are self confident, secure in their condition, speak not a syllable of Gospel.  I read through the 12th one, mostly easily, because it is for one such as I, in true distress over her sin.  But...what will it be like to read the 13th one?  Will it be all Law?  Will I only find condemnation there? 

I wish someone would sneak a peak for me and tell me if, perhaps, I should leap ahead just once.


Lord, I believe.  Help my unbelief!