Another week lost!
But maybe not.
I had an idea to post the "life" things from Facebook here, at least, since I cannot go back and look at Facebook by date. Or, rather, I at least do not know how to do that.
Last Saturday
Becky helped me tie up some loose ends before she left today. She took apart the top and front of my microwave in order to find out how to replace the interior light bulb. She fixed the crooked part of the back of my hair from when I cut it all off. She helped hold Amos so I could cut his belly hair that had gotten to be quite a mess. And she helped whilst I made basil paste.
Becky also changed the sheets on her bed and took the laundry to the basement. And she made a million trips to the basement so I wouldn’t have to later.
On the way home from the airport, I fetched a new halogen bulb. So, the dark grey interior of the microwave that has been pitch black is now brightly lit once more.
I miss her.
I’ve napped and I’ve cleaned out and organized four of the drawers in the dining room built-in. I think I shall use my missing-Becky-post-visit funk to organize and downsize in my basement and attic over the next week.
Part of the reason I started organizing and downsizing again was that my sister came back from visiting my brother, an avowed minimalist, all fired up to downsize her life. I was a bit jealous and thought about how I've crept up in "stuff" in the attic and the basement. So, I want to tackle those areas. The attic will have to wait until the weather changes to fall cool breezes. However, when I am better, I can tackle the basement. Wanting to DO SOMETHING, I started in on the drawers.
Last Sunday
The GREAT SLEEP has begun. I don't mind, for I would rather have been awake whilst Becky was here. Without the giddiness of her presence, I cannot escape my usual exhaustion. I just awoke a little over a half hour ago, took Amos out, tortured myself on the treadmill, and am now about to fall asleep again.
You know, sadly, Becky does not care for asparagus. So, when I am awake, I get to start eating all of this. What do you think? One meal? Perhaps two?
Being all exhausted, my drive to work out my post-visit-missing-Becky-upsettedness by downsizing and organizing has been a bit stymied. However, before I fell asleep last night, I organized and downsized the contents of my purse and of the basket I carry to and from my bedroom each day.
Baby steps when in the throes of post-visitors GREAT SLEEP.
One of the things I find interesting is just how much water the asparagus drinks up when stored in the refrigerator this way. If you are going to have them in there for more than a week or so, it is best to take them out and do a fresh cut on the bottom, taking off a wee little bit. I've had asparagus last three weeks before it started to go bad, primarily by drying out.
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I zonked out for a couple of hours. And already I am thinking about another nap. Only, right now, I am working up to taking a shower.
After Nap No. 2 today, I organized and downsized the main shelf in the bathroom, the top two drawers (the toilet paper, soap, and spillover medicine drawer was a total mess), and the top drawer in the servant closet.
I believe very strongly in the mantra of "A Place for Everything and Everything in Its Place." This helps with Visual Rest, it makes finding things easier, and it facilitates straightening up. It also aids young children participating in the process, especially when they have been involved in creating the places in their bedrooms. Back in the dark ages, when I babysat, I was oft called back help organize a child's room and teach him/her about "A Place for Everything and Everything in Its Place."
Anyway, as to my drawers, even in the most ... full ... drawer, I still crave Visual Rest. I achieve that by having it organized. However, when you are in and out of drawers, over time, they become a tad disorganized and visually unrestful.
But, also, with "A Place for Everything and Everything in Its Place," over time, you oft find better places or additional ways to group items. So, your places change.
Thus, whilst I am to weary to tackle the basement and the attic where I would like to do some re-evalutation and downsizing, I am making headway on ensuring all of my drawers are put back to right.
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I got my shower in, as well as organizing and downsizing the bottom drawer in the bathroom and the bottom drawer in the dining room built-in.
The good thing about "A Place for Everything and Everything in Its Place" is that you always know where something is. The bad thing about "A Place for Everything and Everything in Its Place" is that if something is not in its place, your systems can get messed up.
For example, I like to have Spares for Key Items in my house, both grocery and household items. When I run out of a Key Item, I grab the spare and then put that Key Item on my shopping list to pick up some time in the near future.
One Key Item for me is real maple syrup, because I use it in the baked oatmeal recipe that I make every 18 days so I can have a muffin for breakfast. Before Becky came, since I knew we would be going to COSTCO, I checked to see if I needed maple syrup. The space where the syrup spare is supposed to be was empty. So, I used precious grocery money to buy the spare.
However, when I was working on the drawers in the dining room built-in, I found the syrup spare NOT in its place. So, at the moment, I actually have two syrup spares and could really, really, really use that $10.97 on groceries for the rest of the month since I now have just $3.32 left to spend on EVERYTHING this month.
But, for the most part, my "A Place for Everything and Everything in Its Place" and my Spares for Key Items systems work rather well for me.
I am feeling more settled knowing that the main (non-kitchen) drawers in my house have now all been organized and downsized this weekend.
I wanted to write a blog post about "A Place for Everything and Everything in Its Place," but this post sort of hits the highlights.
Maybe I will try to flesh it out more.
Later.
When I'm not so bloody exhausted.
This past Monday
Holy cow! I sure did neglect the front bed!! Here I was oozing pride at how I’ve kept up the weeding and the front bed was FULL of weeds!!
Isn’t my beloved Fluffernutter adorable as he waits for me to finish torturing myself on the treadmill?
PS. I HIGHLY recommend NOT trying to take a photo whilst walking on the treadmill.
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Violent waves of nausea. Today is a No-Zofran day. SIGH. Only two more of those to endure. Wednesday and Friday.
NEVER AGAIN am I agreeing to take medicine that keeps me from being able to have my beloved Zofran. If I start talking about maybe doing so, please STOP ME from caving.
I shall greatly miss the eggplants in my back raised bed once they are finished. I forgot there was still some broccoli in the refrigerator, else I would have had a trifecta of vegetables. I am not a big fan of vegetables, but the ones I do eat, I adore in great measure. I have not had 15-bean soup in eons. It is such a tasty recipe of mine. Of course, I had to take a nap after my dinner, so exhausting was preparing this meal.
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Today, I weeded the front bed and harvested one eggplant and 18 cucumbers. That’s it.
In order to accomplish that small amount of labor, I napped three times and am falling asleep for a fourth time.
This [an article] enrages me. The jury, not the judge, set the sentencing. How folk can believe that a doctor RAPING a sedated patient does not deserve jail time is beyond me. His wife said they have suffered enough from this. WHAT ABOUT HIS VICTIM?
I can tell you that when you are assaulted in a hospital it is difficult to EVER feel safe again. That it was a doctor and whilst incredibly vulnerable makes trust in the medical world near impossible.
Sexual assault is NOT sexual misconduct. It is a crime against the body, mind, and spirit. For many, sexual assault is NOT a one-time experience, but one that must be endured many times before healing can come.
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PRAYER REQUEST: I have been trying to budget more for medical expenses ... or rather acknowledge that I need more for them and simply have less for everything else.
I switched to a new system for just that line item. I increased the budget to $250 (does not include premiums) and made it a formula. If I spend less than that, I put the balance into the medical savings account that I created when I was given medical money in April. If I spend more than the budget amount, then I deposit the difference back into my checking account from the savings account.
In my brain, I call this process "sweeping," moving money back and forth manually. It is the only savings account that does not have an automatic deposit. This is primarily because I pay so many medical bills and expenses throughout the month it doesn't make sense to do an automatic deposit and then turn around and put that money back into checking.
I started this system in June, so I have just three months of the sweeping. However, I already have all my expenses for September entered into my Number Crunching spreadsheet. That lets me know that, barring anything else, September's medical expenses are at $516.63. I am fervently hoping the spinal tap bill doesn't post until October's statement.
If you are doing the math, that is more than double the budget for that month and, because I don't have many months under the sweeping system (also think of it as even greater austerity for me), is more than what the balance will be in my medical savings account.
Now, October and November will be months where I will be sweeping a goodly chunk of change from checking into the medical savings account. Or it would be if the spinal tap didn't happen. So, whichever month that bill drops will be the month I hope the lack of specialist visits helps pay for the spinal tap.
In a nutshell, I am very much concerned about paying all the medical bills in September.
SIGH.
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"I began to realize that the Psalms were filled with words from desperate, sad, hopeless, and confused believers. They had words for me that I didn’t know I needed. What was a deeper, more surprising comfort was that they were inspired by God, who knows what men and women need to say when we don’t know what to say. God knows how desperate we can get and has provided words for us to say in those times. “Here,” he says, “use these words. They’ll help.” Yes, the Spirit groans for us when we lay wordless like a frail leaf, but the Psalms provide words, language, for when our souls need to reach for expression. “My soul melts away for sorrow.” Psalm 119:28; “I am worn out from my groaning.” Psalm 6:6. “My life is consumed by anguish and my years by groaning; my strength fails because of my affliction, and my bones grow weak.” Psalm 31:10. “Let not the deep swallow me up.” Psalm 69:15. “For my soul is full of troubles … I am a man who has no strength.” Psalm 88:3.
"These words can feel like emotional handlebars as we try to make sense and grapple with our experiences."
[From this article]
LOVE ME some psalms.
I really do love how the author talked about the psalter. He totally get it.
LOVE ME some psalms.
I really do love how the author talked about the psalter. He totally get it.
Someone asked for topics if addressing seminarians. This is what I suggested:
When you are struggling for words to speak to a broken person, read aloud psalms with him or her. They are filled with the gamut of human experience, including anguish, doubt, and despair. They show how intimately God understands even our brokenness and thus provides words that we can pray in the darkness of our lives. You don’t have to think up words to say in the face of brokenness; God already has.
There is such a sufficiency to the Word of God that, I believe, is oft forgotten or overlooked in the effort to provide seemingly "better" words. Only there are no better words that those which show us how intimately we are known and loved by our Creator.
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I harvested another eggplant. [Try not to be jealous!] Whilst doing so, I discovered a few more started, so, if they all finish growing, I will have eight more lovely meals. Whatever will I do when I cannot pluck an eggplant out of my raised bed and serve it up on my plate??
I counted only 5 more cucumbers (although I dropped another 16 at the doctor's office yesterday). The vines have all turned yellow, and being exhausted from harvesting them and being ill, I did not try to treat them.
I like being able to take them to those who are caring for my body, but I think, next year, I will only plant three of the six-pack and try to find someone else who would like to grow cucumbers.
I would like to use the space to try summer squash one very last time, even though I am basically a summer squash murderer.
To be honest, this part of me wants to rip out the daylily bed and make a third raised bed. However, the whole point of having just one raised bed (and I already have a second) was not to overwork myself.
But Gee Willikers! Is it ever BLOODY AMAZING to harvest and eat your own food and use your own herbs!!!!
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Girding my loins for my attempt to have the Word of the Lord in my ears two weeks in a row.
I’m here. Quaking in my boots. Wearing Annie’s skirt for courage.
Thursday
Flares of dysphasia (disruption to swallowing) frighten me. They feel like you are choking, even though you are not. You have to force your mind to concentrate on remaining calm even as you are panicking. You have to put your entire being into keep trying to swallow until the process actually starts up again. And you have to do this in the face of great pain because having food stuck in your esophagus becomes more and more excruciating the longer it takes to get things moving again. In short, swallowing is such a primal act that when you lose the ability the world begins to unravel around you, making enduring the pain and the panic increasingly difficult.
I hate it.
I especially hate it in the early morning, when it is dark and my loneliness is magnified tenfold.
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I hate it.
I especially hate it in the early morning, when it is dark and my loneliness is magnified tenfold.
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SIX BAD SPOTS ON MY TEETH!!!!!! I’m brushing four times a day (except with visitors here), flossing twice, using fluoride rinse twice a day, and taking expensive saliva medication four times a day. And Sjögren’s is still RAVAGING my mouth.
Another $613 today all in preventive stuff!
She said that we clearly need to go on a postseason defense. I am to have trays for my teeth made and then I am to soak my teeth in this special fluoride gel for a half hour each evening. The gel is not expensive and the trays can be used for other things, such as whitening. I feel that I should give trying to save my teeth the old college try. But, if come next February, I learn that I need a bunch of fillings, I am going to look at having my teeth extracted.
I AM SO OVERWHELMED!
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She called today to let me know she's going back up on the steroids. I thought she would move up the testing, but I know ... absolutely know ... I'm going backwards again.
This thing with my lungs truly frightens me.
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I've been stalking my insurance website to see what the hospital claim is for the spinal tap. It posted today. This crap day. It is ever so much more than I thought. $300. Three times more than anything else I've done in radiology. Way more than even the endoscopy.
I AM TOTALLY OVERWHELMED.
That day just kept getting worse and worse for me.
Yesterday
I wanted some lavender aroma therapy, so Amos obliged, along with a couple of hours of swaddled snuggling. The last time he was in the tub was before the Kulps came to visit, more than a month ago. Post bath, my beloved Fluffernutter is the softest bit of creation on the planet!Yesterday
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Writhing. Something fierce.
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In the span of less than 24 hours, I have gone from a tickle in my throat to coughing up my lungs. I just left the doctors office, and I’m heading to the pharmacy to pick up some antibiotics. And I am really, really, really worried that this could affect my other lung issue.
The thing about interstitial lung disease is if it is from Sjogren’s syndrome then there is no cure and the damage will just continue to get worse. The pulmonologist is holding off making any sort of definitive diagnosis, because we are still at the beginning of treating the patches of groundglass opacities in both lower lobes of my lungs.
The thing about interstitial lung disease from Sjogren’s is that it means a life expectancy of about five years from diagnosis. So Amos and I are crossing our fingers that it is idiopathic interstitial lung disease or something mimicking interstitial lung disease.
However, I don’t know how some lung infection could affect my current crappy lung function.
I am rather frightened at the moment.
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Since I received treat money in the mail yesterday, I decided to self-medicate with Blue Bell. I chose Sea Salt Caramel as the next new flavor to try.
I NEED A BREAK FROM MY BODY AND BAD NEWS!!!!
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In my opinion, pharmacies use entirely too many staples!
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Dining out in my haven!
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Because it's been a crap two days, I decided that I needed to have TWO helpings of Blue Bell. I tried the second flavor: Key Lime Mango Tart. I have to say, I preferred the latter to the Sea Salt Caramel. However, I will not be hard pressed to finish off both half gallons.
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Oh my!
I think I could drink a dozen of them.
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I took a nap a bit ago. Now, I've decided my evening therapy should be another showing of "Bright." I really like that movie.
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Jacoby: Everywhere I go, why do orcs always got to be the bad guy?
Rodriquez: Don't look at me, man. Mexicans still get shit for the f____ Alamo.
~"Bright"
I just love all the little throwaway lines in this movie, especially the historical ones. Being a Texan, of course you got to "Remember the Alamo"! In my world, you didn't leave elementary school without carving an Alamo out of a bar of Ivory soap. Ah, the pleasures of childhood!
Today
Rodriquez: Don't look at me, man. Mexicans still get shit for the f____ Alamo.
~"Bright"
I just love all the little throwaway lines in this movie, especially the historical ones. Being a Texan, of course you got to "Remember the Alamo"! In my world, you didn't leave elementary school without carving an Alamo out of a bar of Ivory soap. Ah, the pleasures of childhood!
Today
So that brings us to today. I shall not post the blow-by-blow, except to say that it was remarkably difficult to do anything given that I have such a terrible cough and that I slept very little last night. I am much better sitting and standing that I am lying down.
I am annoyed at the cost of the antibiotics. Two years ago, the exact same prescription was $2, a Tier 1 medication. Now, it is a Tier 3! So, I was charged $34.56.
I already am freaking out over all the medical expenses in September. Then I have the $300 that I will owe for the spinal tap. And now this extra expense at the end of the month when I was hoping to have a bit of money to sweep back to the medical savings account.
I will note, however, from a positive perspective, that Amos has been particularly understanding of my wretched state. He's allowed me to languish on the sofa as much as I need and to put off getting out of bed this morning three times. Of course, he is quite skilled at holding his bodily needs in check when he deems it necessary. Still, I appreciate the sacrifice on his part.
May tonight bring less coughing and more sleep!
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