Friday, April 14, 2006

I've thinking about whacking on my hair...but that really isn't the answer to why I want to pick up those scissors and I really am not the sort of person who looks good with hair just below her ears.

I will say that I am ever so thankful, ever so, that the pain in my shoulder is completely gone. Two and a half days of struggling through every moment and realizing just how much a person uses a shoulder each day, I find myself savoring the relief.

I wish I had relief at work.

I am riding a rollercoaster. The highs are exhilarating, but the descent is terrifying and the curves make holding on quite difficult. And as much as I hate to admit it, my boss is no real help. She is juggling too many balls to stop and work with me. Most of our conversations are centered around what people are doing that shouldn't be done and how to work around their decision-making. The communications plan is a good thing to have, but cannot really be executed without successfully without the help of the management staff. And, truly, I am the only real advocate for message and brand.

Everyone is too busy working on the restructuring or this or that or the other. But...messaging and branding does not happen either in a vacuum or like Athena springing fully formed from Zeus' head. I feel as if I have been left out of the planning when planning is key to my role in the company. I feel as if I am, once again, being set up for failure rather than success since it will, as it has been for two years, fall to me to work on the fly, provide the quick fix, when thoughtful, strategic planning is the path we should be taking. I pour out my whole being in a job and feel rather cheap when have to ask my boss how I did because I cannot stand to be doing the things I do, to do them well, and have no one notice. No one really care.

I hate wasting my time at work, wasting the opportunity to accomplish something instead of tossing off the latest last minute piece of writing.

Work is a mess. The company...its honorable and much needed. But the organization is a mess. People don't do what they are supposed to do, do what they are not supposed to do, and come to the office when they feel like it. I struggle because I see person after person dropping the ball and not working in the best interests of the company. It may seem as if I am arrogant and think of myself as perfect, but I simply do not pull the crap that they do. I don't work against my colleagues or our message/brand. I don't cause problems that others have to spend addressing when they have work of their own to be do. I don't do that and yet I am not valued. Not really. It drives me crazy. I want to sleep until noon and waltz into the office when I feel like working. I want to do just not do my work or forget deadlines and finish when I want.

But I cannot. I cannot because I believe what they are doing is absolutely, fundamentally wrong.

I want to stay and accomplish what I think I can...and I want to find another job as soon as possible.

I want to pick up those scissors and whack something because I cannot cut what I want.

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