Mowed. Fainted. Frustrated again.

Still, it made me think about the last time I mowed and the following day. I never added here that Pastor let me know the reason he did not do the membership questions with me was because he had read my blog and was concerned that I wouldn't be able to walk forward. He has seen me struggle to walk for days or weeks and didn't realize that I faint nearly every time I try to mow because it is too much work pushing the mower around, even if it is not hot outside. He did not realize that fainting from mowing, while hard on me, does not have the lasting effects I battle when I have become too hot and the MS symptoms flare.

So, I struggled with my disappointment over not having my Augsburg moment and he felt bad that in trying to be thoughtful he ended up not doing so. He told me the questions don't matter so much as the belief and that I had earned my membership certificate. We could have the public confession any time.

So, there I was, lying on the ground after waking up, thinking about that certificate (with Pastor starting grad school, I am sure it will be coming my way sometime about 2012) and a round table discussion I read a while back on Concordia: The Lutheran Confessions blog. Basically, the contributors tossed around the question of whether the Book of Concord is for Lutherans or for all Christians. I thought of this because recently I read a comment on Pastor W's blog (I believe) from a man who had thought of becoming a Lutheran but for one part of the doctrine. Whenever he traveled with his family and could not find a solid church of his own domination, he would look for a Lutheran Church Missouri Synod church because he knew it would be filled with the Gospel. Only, he sorrowed because he knew he and his family would not be welcomed at the alter when he shared belief in Christ, baptism, and the key tenants of Christianity.

Then, this brought to mind all the brouhaha on the Lutheran blogosphere about the new Lutheran Study Bible, casting it (most likely rightly so) as the next best thing to sliced bread (pun intended). The Word of God, the Bread of Life, is presented with rich resources and clear teaching in the new bible, according to the reviews and praises popping up all over the place. Join the new bible with the Treasury of Daily Prayer, the readers' edition of the Book of Concord and the (new) Lutheran Service Book, and you have pastors and parishioners giddy in thankfulness for the recent spate of valuable tools to which they now have ready access. Again the question arose, though, that since the bible is based on the pure teaching of Scripture found in Lutheran Doctrine, ought not it to be a great tool for all Christians?

I lay there on the ground thinking about the comments I have received from those who have watched, listened, or read about this journey I have taken in walking away from the protestant teaching I had grown up with since being allowed to go to church 27 years ago and joining in the Lutheran confession of doctrine. I have been accused of "going over to the dark side," "being out beyond Pluto with those loony Lutherans," and "looking at God however I needed to help me."

I have found amongst Lutherans so much of that which I have thought should be in the Church the whole of my Christian life. I have found a reverence for scripture that made my own passion pale in comparison. I have found Truth that resonates so strongly, so deeply that even I, in my brokenness and weakness, can trust and believe and receive in faith. And I have found a pure Gospel, not one laced with works.

In my other churches, I had been repeatedly taught that the promises of the Old Testament, other than the "Jesus" verses, were for the Israelites, not for Christians. In short, effectively the comfort and consolation were not for me to claim. I was chiefly to use the Old Testament to learn the nature of God and the work of His plan for mankind and for lessons on faith, but I was to cling to and claim the New Testament.

Last night, I tried to talk to Bettina about that, but it was such a poor, poor attempt. What is so clear in my mind is so bungled on my tongue. Scripture is the Living Word. The Word was before the creation of the world and before the creation of scripture, before chisel being set to stone, stylus to wax, ink to papyrus. The Word was before He became incarnate for mankind. The Word is even now, after dying as our substitute. The Word was, is, and will be, so how can you set aside a whole chunk of the Living Word as being relegated to the past, as no longer having relevance?

When my lips spoke the words of Isaiah 43:1-3a that Pastor directed me to read during one of our lessonings, my heart immediately began to sing. But now, thus says the Lord your Creator, O Jacob, and He who formed you, O Israel, "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are mine! When you pass through the waters, I will be with you and through the rivers they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, nor will the flame burn you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior." Who would not be moved by the Creator of the Universe declaring that you are His, that He will remain with you even in flood, even in fire?

Oh, how my heart sang. Oh, how I found comfort given my circumstances of late. Yet...I did recall all those pastors who taught me that these words were not for me.

Yes, those words crop up again: For me. For you!

So very much of what I have found in Lutheranism, as I wrote before, can be summed in those words. Objective Grace is for me. Forgiveness is for me. Blessing is for me. Liturgy is for me. The gifts of water, bread, and wine are for me. Hymns are for me. All of scripture, every jot and tittle of the Living Word is the Word of Christ and is, therefore, for me.

The proper division of law and Gospel is for me. It is for me so that I can savor the sweetness of the Law even as I do the sweetness of the Gospel. It is for me so that I might know of the love in the Law even as I do the love in the Gospel. It is for me so that I might understand the salvation meant for the Law even as I do the salvation of the Gospel.

I lay on the ground, shaking and tired and frustrated, yet thankful for all that the Holy Spirit has revealed to me and praying that the new Lutheran Study Bible and the Treasury of Daily Prayer and even the Book of Concord might become resources for all Christians, not merely those who attend Lutheran churches...because the Word is for all....