I spent over an hour today comforting another co-worker who was in tears.

I do praise God that I had the opportunity to bring Light to someone else's darkness.

Each time I do, I am reminded anew of the grace God has shown in my own frustrations with my experience at the company and with my responses to those criticisms and challenges. He has taught me much and then immediately repeatedly put me in circumstances where I can speak Truth to another who needs to hear it instead of the critical lies that have filled their ears.

My theme: It's business, not personal. Do your work heartily unto the Lord and with probity. Let everything else fall away.

I pray that I can continue to remember these things myself...

Well...I stopped wearing my Dallas Cowboy lounge pants today.

I must admit that they will not last very long if worn every day and most certainly would want to at least wear them for the games next season. So, I decided a change was in order.

When I looked in my closet on my "comfortable clothing" shelf, I realized that I had been woefully neglecting my Sugarland and Dr. Pepper t-shirts and the four pairs of lounge pants that I wear with them..

I am becoming reacquainted with them.

Today, I worked on the next Tips, Tools & Resources Fact Sheet for the parent mailing. It will not be going out until March 1st, but with a few big projects coming up, I decided to tackle the job.

This is the second one I wrote from start to finish, instead of compiling information that I researched. The first one I did was on literacy matters, so it was basically a matter of trying to figure out how to fit three college degrees on one page. This one, however, was based on a comment my friend D made a few weeks ago.

He and I, as older singles, have spent quite a bit of time hanging around families since we do not have one of our own. His comment had to do with something that had actually been bothering me for a while: even members of Christian families do not really speak kindly to each other.

He started noticing how little praise, encouragement, or gratitude was spoken. Instead, the general interchanges were filled with teasing, cut downs, and down right rude remarks. We commiserated a while about this, sharing examples less-than-kind speech and noting missed opportunities for kind words. So, when I set out to draft the resource page today, my mind kept returning to that conversation.

After a few rough starts, I settled on a way to express my thoughts: Honey Speak.

I built the piece around the adage " You will catch more flies with honey than with vinegar." It is basically filled with ideas of opportunities where families can speak words of encouragement, praise, and gratitude.

Well, I liked my idea so much that I built a wee little website around it: www.honeyspeak.com. I was having trouble getting the domain name to forward to my free website compliments of Verizon. If it is still not going through, you can see the original site here.

What do you think?

I decided to join a fitness team for this contest at work. [Don't laugh.] I did so because I wanted some folks to hold me accountable for a few fitness goals.

The company held the competition last year and decided to repeat the program. There are two categories of awards: those who take the most steps (we all have pedometers) and those who lose the most weight. I sought out some team members and signed us all up. Somehow, along the way, I managed to get myself nominated as Team Captain. [I said, "Don't laugh."]

The "nutritional consultant" has determined that I should be drinking 72 ounces of water every day. [Really, don't laugh!]

Everyone had to pick two goals. I chose 1) to stretch every day for a minimum of 30 minutes and 2) to give up drinking Dr. Pepper save for one can a week. [Fine! Laugh!]

So....how well do you think I will do???????

Ah, well...what can I say about B's visit?

Three days of lounging on the couch. Three days of stuffing ourselves with tasty food. Three days of battling wits and luck across myriad games.

A truly sublime time!

~~~~
Note: B is coming a long way towards embracing the wear-the-same-comfortable-outfit-over-and-over-again club.

B is here!

Besides give me a great big hug, what was the first thing she did? Walk straight to my microwave and find the rice button that I had been swearing was not there! Tomorrow evening we shall have Chinese food and rice made in the new rice cooker her mother gave me at Christmas!

What was the second thing she did? Immediately start putting her peanut butter cookie dough into the oven so that I could have her incredible cookies.

Now, I should note that there was some strawberry bread on the bottom of the oven that started smoking, filling up the kitchen and threatening to trigger the alarm system tied into the phone line to contact the fire department automatically. The air was a bit thick for quite a while.

I am rather reluctant to admit that the remaining work on her laptop did not go as planned. We spent a rather long while trying to get the wireless card to recognize my network. I was on hold with Linksys when B thought to reinstall the driver. That did the trick. I should have thought of that immediately, but progress was made.

However, there were many updates that needed to be downloaded and her memory is only 128 megs. The laptop only handles 256, but I found another 128 chip online for just $24.

After stuffing myself with six cookies, we played Scrabble. B was really hindered by all the downloading that was going on and couldn't easily access Dictionary.Com, a key tool we use to slaughter each other across the board. I won the game, but it was a bit of a hollow win. Still, I am back in the 600's...albeit temporarily.

We have yet to line up our moving viewing list or bring up the stack of games from the basement closet.

I cannot wait for tomorrow!

I very much dislike Valentine's Day. Very much.

It is not a day for singles. Nor is a day for a forty-year-old woman who yearns to share her life with someone who will cherish her.

We had an all-staff meeting during which I actually submitted some suggestions for ways to improve the agency. This was not the best choice since those are usually not well received no matter how often they are solicited.

Then the COO asked to talk with me...and postponed the meeting just minutes later. I very, very much dislike when someone announces that he/she needs to talk to me. I admit that I immediately and rather frenetically try to figure out what I did wrong. Now...I just have to stew...

I do not like this day. I struggle with seeing couples on a good day. On a day where expressions of love and commitment abound are ubiquitous, I find simply being alone quite difficult.

So, I worked late, late, and well...late. I didn't even roll out of the parking lot until after 9:00, which was quite unfair to Kashi. Even more so, were my tears on the phone to B when she should have been snuggled up on the couch with her husband.

While I revel in the grace God has shown me, I desire with my whole heart to not spend the rest of my life never being loved, never knowing the covering of a man.

B was kind and caring whilst I cried, but way too soon G needed to use the phone. It was with great reluctance that I said good-bye.

Still sniveling, I called my cousin D. Now let me tell you, no matter how awkward it is for him, he will go a long, long way to try and understand. Four hours later, we tabled the conversation for another day.

Yes, I have introduced D to the wonders of the marathon phone call. While we have talked for a few hours several times before, it was just last month that we had our first call of super length. I had called on the way home and ended up spending dinner and the evening with him, via the wonderful product that is unlimited night and weekend minutes!

We both prepared salads for dinner and then compared our culinary experience bite by bite. We discussed technology, photography, writing, consulting, family, pets, tennis, and his globe-trotting trips. Although many states lie between us, we could have been hanging out on the couch together.

Tonight, our conversation was similarly far ranging. Upon learning of my tears he asked a few awkward questions and then rather skillfully changed the subject. By the time we were both ready to fall into bed, it was no longer that wretched holiday.

He did admire the design of the poetry book I have created using the poems of children and youth from 8 affordable housing communities. The cover is so-so, one I had to make do with the parameters given to me. The inside, however, is totally me. Just one part I will describe: the page numbers are centered on four different geometric shapes that are in different places on different pages. For example, if there is a natural curve in the lines of the poem, I tucked the circle shape beside it. It is a bit whimsical, a reminder that this is a book of poems by children, a work of art. He found my design provocative. SMILE

Of course, Kashi and Fancy feel rather neglected. I am exhausted. And I still need to vacuum and dust before B arrives tomorrow.

I really, really do not like this day. Thank you D for carrying me across the finish line!

The power went out at work this morning. It took over an hour for the powers that be to send us home. In my opinion, the fact that a tree took down the power line should have made the decision quite obvious. I certainly could do not work without phone or computer.

On the way home, I stopped by Target to purchase a gift for my nephew on behalf of my brother and stock up on some groceries in time for B's visit. You would think that since she will be here in just two more days that I might actually let her get some work around the house, but instead I sweet talked her into playing Scrabble for a second day in a row. I am rather greedy in that regard!

She won one game. I won another. That should be a good pattern, right? Well, it actually is not so much good for me as for her. With a higher ranking, she gains more points on her wins than do I. I did manage to scrape my way back into the 600's...barely.

While it was not a snow day, getting to leave at 12:30 was a pleasant surprise. A double dose of Scrabble made it quite a good day.

A mere 4 hours and 45 minutes later, I have finally updated the maps on my Magellan!

Little did I know that this would be such a difficult task. Had I known, I still would have ordered the update. Had I known, I might have saved the arduous work until later. However, once started, I had to finish.

The good part about the update is that the software came with an AC adapter for my GPS unit. The 6000T has been great for me, even if I still get lost since I can be a bit doltish at times about following its directions. "Recalculating" and "When possible, make a legal u-turn" are phrases I hear far more often than I would like. My only wee disappointment was that it did not come with a charger for the house, only one for the car.

Over the past year and a half, I have toyed with the idea of buying one, but I didn't have to have it. I just wanted it for the convenience.

For the most part, I have been rather diligent at putting the majority of my money, even holiday gifts, toward my debt. When I have strayed, it has been to get something for B's computer or to take a colleague to a much needed lunch. I did spend a smidgen more than my Amazon.Com gift certificates totaled at Christmas. But those books have been quite helpful in keeping me occupied at home and not out engaged in activities that take money. This is in part due to my policy that if I get a new book in a series, I must re-read all the ones I have before opening the new one.

Anyhow, patience paid off in this instance because I got one for "free" with this upgrade. Of course, the charger is a necessary part of the update process since it took so blooming long!

~~~~
If you read B's blog, you will be happy to know that I have gotten her XP properly installed and Office re-installed (a better version). It sure is great to have IT folk as friends. I still need to update XP, but for that I need the installation disc for her wireless adapter since her laptop does not have an ethernet port. I am HOPING that when she arrives with the disc on Friday, the update will be a mere afterthought and not another computing ordeal. That way, we can play on-line Scrabble while she is in the green chair and I am on the couch!

If you are keeping track, she won four games in a row before I finally won again. I am in those dreaded 500's. Her favorite word from today's game: afloat.

~~~~
My legs turned into watery noodles this morning, just as I arrived at work. I felt several times before coming home. Between the constant headache and the blurred vision, I should have known something was coming. Even though I told my co-workers that I had MS, I do not think that it really registered with any of them. They were a bit taken aback as I struggled to get around before heading home.

B has been great at getting rid of her germs for our visit. I would hate to be hobbling around while she is here. Her most wonderful mother is taking over the care of her children straight from work on Friday so that B can leave earlier in the afternoon. Three days of games, gal time, and movies galore!

Well, 50 information packets, 200 magnets, and 1,000 envelopes later, I am done with the stuffing, sealing, labeling, sticking, and arranging projects I had this day. Nine and a half hours passed whilst doing so, much of which I confess that I struggled not to resent what which I was doing. Oh, how I wish I were doing else wise at work. Tomorrow I do get to write a press release...

Fancy was 85 grams on Friday. Today, she is 91 grams. Since Madison's death, she will climb up to 101 grams, but does not stay there very long. Dropping down to the mid 80's is so very dangerous for her.

I called my vet yesterday to see if I should bring Fancy in again. We made an appointment for Wednesday. Fancy trembles more, but she is eating and drinking and preening herself. All of which is normal behavior.

I am starting to think that perhaps her struggle is because she is too lonely during the week when I am at work and is just not eating enough without the company she has with me on the weekends. Today, for example, she has camped out on my shoulder for much of the day, napping and preening and nuzzling.

I found a bird at a rescue shelter, but in order to get it, I have to have two interviews and a home visit. The adoption fee would be half of the cost of purchasing a bird. However, I am leery of the interviews and home visit. Funny, I can walk into a store and walk out with a bird. But trying to rescue a bird, I have many hoops to jump through without even the guarantee that I would get the bird. That seems a bit backward to me.

I would go out tomorrow and bring home a new companion for her if it were not for the fact that a match with cockatiels is hardly a sure thing. Were she to not take to her new flock or he to her, it could depress her further. I have had her now over 6 years. I just want to do the right thing for her well-being. I simply do not know what that is.

To be honest, I should admit that my Scrabble boast of a week ago is not longer valid. Alas, the last three games I have lost. The last was by one point, but the first two losses were by large amounts of points.

My ranking in the 700's for which I launched a most rigorous campaign did not last long. One more loss and I shall loose hold of the 600's.

B's post about the wins is most humorous. She notes that when my rank falls into the 500's, I become a pointmonger. I cannot argue with that. I go for the cheap points. You see, I will play "ha" in two directions where the "h" is on a triple letter square. That's a quick 25 points. Alas, the truth is that for all my love of great words, I find myself most often going for the cheap points. B will play great words, even if doing so means getting less than 10 points. I want two dozen or more points on every play possible. Okay, let's be real: I want to win every game.

I revel in playing B. She is so smart and so crafty with whatever 7 letters arise on her screen. Half the time I am playing her, I find myself marveling at her play. However, while I wish victory for my friend always, I would like that victory to somehow magically take place without my own defeat.

You know, sometimes I feel like my obsession with avoiding smokers is taken a bit oddly by those around me. Today, I was in Costco with co-workers shopping for the upcoming training session when the issue arose.

We were sitting down enjoying a slice a pizza with our shopping done, when I smelled smoke. Now, smoking is not allowed in Costco, so I was a bit puzzled. The acrid smell triggered that familiar tickle at the back of my throat, and I thought about my inhaler back in my bag at work. I swiveled my head around trying to figure out who was the source of my potential distress so that I might effect a strategic retreat. I couldn't spot the problem and nervously bent over my pizza again. I was loathe to leave it, finding Costco pizza most tasty, but I did not relish the thought of another asthma battle. My co-workers kept telling me not to worry, but I did start a mild cough.

The problem, as near I could tell, turned out to be a very old man who was wearing smoke tainted clothing. He was wandering around, and when he came close, I was overwhelmed with the smell of smoke.


When I see smokers, I will often cross the street. If I have to pass them, say to enter a building, I will take a deep breath, cover my mouth and nose, and hustle by as quickly as possible. If I enter a restaurant that has too much smoke, I will turn around and leave. I feel badly doing so when I am with people, especially since going to restaurants has virtually been eliminated from my existence given the financial strain from which I have been recovering. Basically, I only go when I am being treated to a fine meal.

It bothers me, deeply, when I catch flack for doing so. My brother and my father, by whom I have been treated the most since I lost my job nearly two years ago, are the worst about chidding me about my worries about second hand smoke. My dad just doesn't remember with his cognitive difficulties. I think that my brother just doesn't care.

Anyhow, I read this article today about a teenager who died from an acute asthma attack shortly after arriving at a smoky bar where she worked. She had struggled with her asthma several times in the past year or so. She also avoided her meds unless she was feeling the symptoms. However, none of that should have resulted in her death.

The whole reason smoking has been banned in public places is that we know second-hand smoke kills. When you hear this, you think: Oh, yeah...lung cancer. However, second-hand smoke can be deadly for asthmatics.

I guess I am writing all this to say that I found the article quite sobering. Sometimes, I feel pressured to not be so vigilant in looking out for smokers. Today, I thought that perhaps I have been too lax of late. Dangerously so...

I printed for 9 and 1/2 hours today, at times using three different printers.

I printed 100 program cut sheets for the recruiters.

I printed 750 pages for 50 informational packets, although I still need to print the business card sized adverts for the magnets. Those pages have to be feed in one page at a time, pushing the green check button after each sheet is completely through so the printer will grab the next sheet. Once those are done, I still need to assemble those packets.

I printed 975 letters and 975 labels utilizing two black and white printers. Of course, I did run into a problem since the antiquated version of MS Word that I use refused to do the large mail merge (one that had been completed several times before). Fortunately, I had brought my laptop and was able to move the source document over via flash drive, merge them, and move them back.

I printed 1,500 of the 4,000 fliers I need for the mailing. Even if I can get the printer to churn out the other 2,500 tomorrow, I will not be able to print the 1,300 bookmarks that were to be included in the library mailings because each of those sheets (that fit 4 to a page) have to been fed the same way as the business card sheets and done so on both sides.

Alas, I am so very discouraged over what I am doing verses what I desire to be doing.

That said, I have continued to be able to serve as a source of encouragement to the two women who are going through a rough time and to do my work heartily as if for the Lord (I need to look up whether or not I ought to be doing it cheerfully as well--the verses about cheerful givers I know, but do not remember if the same holds true for workers...). I am trying to focus on serving the Lord that way instead of the arguments over toner and manual mass mailings that are filling my days.

~~~~
NOTE: Monday was filled with a monthly mailing to the parents, which includes a packet of information and much, much printing. April will be the next time I have to do this mass mailing again. Also, my headache has moved into its seventh day of existence. SIGH...

I have spent the last three days at work trying to get a toner order fulfilled after being placed last week. The order is large, granted, but it is for a mass mailing about our next training session. This will be the fourth time I have done the mailing and the third time I ordered so many cartridges for our color printer. And yet...

And yet...someone stopped the order and then questioned it for days on end.

I very much dislike the fact that I have been reduced to arguing about toner for a mass mailing that I resent I must do.

I practically melted down when I was told that the order had finally been approved, but only for 4 cartridges, not 10. I was supposed to place another order when those were done. What??? Had I not already explained that I would blow through five the first day, one to replace the cyan which was empty and then a whole set with my print job. I had even told my boss that we would most likely need at least 4 if not 8 to return us back to having a set in the printer and a set on hand status.

I was supposed to be printing every day this week to get the materials ready for the volunteer who is coming on Monday. She only comes on Mondays. Next Monday is a holiday. And the mailing is due out now. I have to get those darned letters, labels, and fliers printed! All I could see was red, red because I knew I would need to print on the weekend unless I had very long days Thursday and Friday.

At the end of three contentious days, I have been told that the order should be here tomorrow afternoon...or definitely by Friday afternoon.

ARGH!!!

From Friday through this moment, I have been sporting a rather vicious headache. It is ever present and quite painful. I have taken pain medicine, rested, and slept with cold compresses over my eyes. I find myself clenching my jaw against the pain, which only makes it worse.

What worries me is that the year I was diagnosed, I suffered this same sort of headache from May to October.

The joy of God's grace and the happiness at the victories have helped, but it has been difficult to keep my spirits up beneath the weight of this constant pain.

Tonight, I am abandoning my long-standing firm belief that milk should only be consumed ice cold. I am about to toss back a glass of warm milk and crawl into bed, thinking of non-headache thoughts.

~~~~
Note: Last night, I struggled to fall asleep because of the pain, so I threw back the covers, fetched a pair of scissors, and tended to my much-neglected bonsai. When I was finished my pruning, I watered it, breathing deeply of the damp earth. While I savor the cold and wish it lasted far, far longer than it does here in the nation's capital, I do miss the oneness that comes while working with the soil.

I have despaired over this fact with B and W time and time again. At least I am not crying over it now. What fact? The reality of my existence: Nothing is ever easy. Nothing.

My mother offered to pay for three plumbing repairs that have been wanting in exchange for helping her with her website. I readily agreed, sought out recommendations for a plumber, and awoke at the ghastly hour of 7:00 this morning to open the door to company who had the most positive reference.

I am most pleased to report that the leak in my bathroom faucet is now repaired, allowing me to remove the mason jar that had been capturing the water so that it wouldn't be wasted. I am equally pleased to note that the outdoor faucet that suffered from the same problem now leaks no more. However, I am disheartened to report that, while the toilet is no longer leaking from the flapper, I can barely flush the handle and, when I manage to do so, there is this distressing whooshing, sucking sound at the end of the process.

I called the plumbing company to come back and repair the repair. The manager said he would talk with the plumber and call me back. That was 9:00 this morning. How long do I wait?

Tiger Woods came back from behind to win by one stroke at the Dubai Classic. He had to shoot a 7 under par to put himself in contention and then wait out Els on a par 5. Just like in 2006, Els shot his chance to win in the water. Yeah, Tiger!

~~~~
As the world knows by now, the Giants also won. I am glad Eli is out of the shadow of his brother and was heartened to see Payton there heartily cheering him on to victory. I am glad Eli and Coughlin were vindicated by such a victory since the harsh and fickle fans of New York have been awfully hard on the two of them. And I was glad that the '72 Dolphins kept their place in history. Those football players played for the game, doing so for a mere fraction of what players make today. They deserve to hold that record.

~~~~
Yesterday I got to slaughter my dear friend B in a game of Scrabble even though she was ensconced with her extended family up in the Poconos. How wonderful is she to include me in her mini-vacation! I am rather grateful for the way technology has kept up close. Between the byways of the Internet and the airways of Sprint, we enjoy time together even though we are separated by miles and miles and miles. Of course, just because I was quite moved by the opportunity to play, I still felt the need to WIN!

For the record, I should note that B will be here the 15th to the 18th for a girls only long weekend. While I will revel in her presence, I will admit that, alas, most of the games we will play will not be won by me...

Fancy Gram Watch: 93

Today was a perfect reflection of God's grace.

I spent much of the day thinking about yesterday and how perfectly clear it was to me that I needed to be at my job in that valley so that I could be a light to someone who would be faced with some of the same darkness. It is difficult to describe how I could ache with tears over her hurt and yet want to dance for joy for the perfect sovereignty of God.

Well, as if I needed another reminder of His grace, I had a co-worker call me this evening, broken over her marriage and a serious financial hole her husband tumbled them both into without thought to the repercussions of his actions. I found myself, for the second time in two days, serving as a beacon of the Truth of Christ and His Word.

It is funny how much counseling I have absorbed from W over the long tenure of our friendship. I was able to help her work through some of what she was thinking and feeling and point her back to the crux of her marriage and life: Jesus Christ.

Furthermore, I was able to share godly examples of the ways between a husband and wife from not only B's life, but from the woman I was with yesterday. Circles of light shed from life to life.

For all the tears I have shed, two days in a row I was privileged to staunch the tears of a sister with the Truth of Christ.

I am not where I wish to be. I struggle with feeling like a failure all the time, feeling as if I have spent the last decade waiting for the opportunity to do what I am capable of doing and yet only find myself in menial labor again and again and again. I produce high quality work and yet I am neither adequately compensated for it nor truly acknowledged for the value added. I have been attacked while trying to work with integrity, and I find myself working with less than sane folks making less than healthy business decisions again and again. And yet...

And yet...God is sovereign. I believe he brought me to this job. While it is not where I would place myself, my time has not been wasted in the Kingdom of God even if there have been no earthly rewards. I admit that I wish those would come, but I revel in the grace God has shown me in the past two days.