I very much dislike Valentine's Day. Very much.

It is not a day for singles. Nor is a day for a forty-year-old woman who yearns to share her life with someone who will cherish her.

We had an all-staff meeting during which I actually submitted some suggestions for ways to improve the agency. This was not the best choice since those are usually not well received no matter how often they are solicited.

Then the COO asked to talk with me...and postponed the meeting just minutes later. I very, very much dislike when someone announces that he/she needs to talk to me. I admit that I immediately and rather frenetically try to figure out what I did wrong. Now...I just have to stew...

I do not like this day. I struggle with seeing couples on a good day. On a day where expressions of love and commitment abound are ubiquitous, I find simply being alone quite difficult.

So, I worked late, late, and well...late. I didn't even roll out of the parking lot until after 9:00, which was quite unfair to Kashi. Even more so, were my tears on the phone to B when she should have been snuggled up on the couch with her husband.

While I revel in the grace God has shown me, I desire with my whole heart to not spend the rest of my life never being loved, never knowing the covering of a man.

B was kind and caring whilst I cried, but way too soon G needed to use the phone. It was with great reluctance that I said good-bye.

Still sniveling, I called my cousin D. Now let me tell you, no matter how awkward it is for him, he will go a long, long way to try and understand. Four hours later, we tabled the conversation for another day.

Yes, I have introduced D to the wonders of the marathon phone call. While we have talked for a few hours several times before, it was just last month that we had our first call of super length. I had called on the way home and ended up spending dinner and the evening with him, via the wonderful product that is unlimited night and weekend minutes!

We both prepared salads for dinner and then compared our culinary experience bite by bite. We discussed technology, photography, writing, consulting, family, pets, tennis, and his globe-trotting trips. Although many states lie between us, we could have been hanging out on the couch together.

Tonight, our conversation was similarly far ranging. Upon learning of my tears he asked a few awkward questions and then rather skillfully changed the subject. By the time we were both ready to fall into bed, it was no longer that wretched holiday.

He did admire the design of the poetry book I have created using the poems of children and youth from 8 affordable housing communities. The cover is so-so, one I had to make do with the parameters given to me. The inside, however, is totally me. Just one part I will describe: the page numbers are centered on four different geometric shapes that are in different places on different pages. For example, if there is a natural curve in the lines of the poem, I tucked the circle shape beside it. It is a bit whimsical, a reminder that this is a book of poems by children, a work of art. He found my design provocative. SMILE

Of course, Kashi and Fancy feel rather neglected. I am exhausted. And I still need to vacuum and dust before B arrives tomorrow.

I really, really do not like this day. Thank you D for carrying me across the finish line!