I am struggling with anger just now.

I have lived here over three years in peace and quiet. When searching for a home, one absolute requirement was a fenced yard for Kashi. I wanted him to be able to run and play after being stuck in an apartment for seven years.

Sunday was terrible. I was terrified at the thought of losing him and fearful for my own well-being while searching for him. My oxygen saturation numbers have been low all week. My boss had me near sprawled on the floor with laughter over a story, yet deep inside I was concerned because of my breathing.

Each time I have taken Kashi out, instead of just opening the door and letting him go, I have carried him down the steps and checked both gates before letting him down. At night I have to get out a flashlight to do so. Small though he is, his weight is enough to trouble my breathing. He is also no longer free to hang out for a while, sniffing the bushes, lounging on the bench, and chasing the squirrels.

I resent this intrusion on my home. I resent no longer feeling safe in my back yard. I resent Kashi's freedom being curtailed.

Today, I am angry. When I left for work, both gates where closed. When I came home, the front gate was wide open and some things on my deck had been moved around. If I had not been carrying Kashi, he would have gotten out again.

Both gates, being old, have issues with being closed, so simply putting a lock through the latch is not an option. I did go to Wal-Mart and Target looking for a bike chain that I could slip through the fence, but all I could find were cheap ones with combination locks tied to them. Last night, I did, however, remember about my own bike lock from back when I did tours and such and set out searching for it. I now have the back gate wrapped with the lock, and I forced another padlock on the front gate.

This will be a bother for me as I work in the yard, extending the time I have to spend in the heat. I do not understand why someone would start opening my gates.

I just do not understand.