Thursday, August 04, 2005

I was reflecting upon my words of yesterday and am wondering if I am ignoring how very frustrated and angry I get at having to wait and wait and wait instead of moving ahead and how that is affecting most everything I am doing.

Frustrated and angry sounds rather horrible to me.

How about stymied?

I work late most every evening and on weekends. It seems as if each thing that I am doing is agonizing slow, oft fettered by the very people I am trying to serve. And yet I keep trying. If I am honest, I will have to admit that I am resentful and jealous of the people at work who talk on the phone, work for other businesses, do school work, chat online, sent dozens of personal email back and forth, create flyers and such for their own purposes, and otherwise not work...taking advantage of those who are so busy that they do not, or choose not to, see what is going on beneath their noses. They are skilled at the "quick minimize." I have been praying about that resentment and jealousy, but still I struggle.

Today I came the closest I have ever come to simply losing it at work and screaming my head off. I discovered two cartons of envelopes that I had ordered last year for all the sites shoved in a storage room. A few months ago, I had discovered the accompanying stationary and couldn't believe it had not been sent out to the sites when it came in instead of put in a cabinet in the supply space. I instructed the admin to get it out to the sites right away and it took nearly a week for her to do so. Why? Why not send the stationary order out in the first place? Why hide the other part of the order? If she genuinely did not know what was in the cartons when they were delivered, why didn't she ask? I bet myself at least three slices of pizza that those envelopes will still be sitting on the floor by her desk next week.

I want to at least quit working at nights and on weekends.

I just don't know how. I see the work that needs to be done. I cannot leave the fields fallow...or the chairs pushed back from the table.

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