Saturday I had a rather wonderful day. I got to spend time with a friend, puttering around her home and sorting and packing some things whilst we chatted. Work done as such is always a pleasure to me. I also enjoyed being able to help someone.

I kept her up WAY past her bedtime talking and looking at photos. Really, it was a lovely time.

And then there was Sunday.

Since I was also up WAY past my bedtime, I slept in until noon. After reading the bible and listening to a sermon, I played with Kashi some. He went out twice in the morning and once in the mid afternoon while I lounged on the couch, each time puttering around the yard a bit. Then I let him out in the late afternoon. When he didn't come back in after about fifteen minutes, I decided to join him outside to play fetch.

He was gone.

Someone had opened both the front and back gate. Doing so takes some work. The front gate sticks and is a bit of a battle to open. The back is just a hair easier since I keep a piece of 2x4 wedged in the opening caused by the tree that is pushing the fence out a bit. Someone deliberately opened both gates... and the more I think about it, I am fairly sure that someone was no child.

Why would anyone do that?

I panicked and ran around the front and back of my house calling for him. I did not have shoes on and tears were streaming down my face. I ran back inside and called two friends and my father, begging for help. No one was coming. I quickly put on my tennis shoes and grabbed my inhaler because I was already struggling to breathe. I also called my best friend and asked her to pray.

I called until I was horse, but I could only walk because my breathing was so labored. I didn't want to get into my car and look because I didn't think it would be safe for me to do so between the tears, my breathing, and my anguish.

My father had begun to lecture me about chaining the gates closed and my mother said I had better punish Kashi when I found him. While I found the criticism hard to bear, it was worse knowing that someone had let him out. Why would anyone want to do that to me? I also knew that time was running out before I would have to do something about my breathing.

Buckets of tears later, I finally found him, but then had to carry him two blocks home because I had not thought to grab his leash.

Once home, I called those whom I had contacted and tried to calm down, but my panic over his disappearance had shifted to my inability to breath.

By the time I got to the hospital, my oxygen sats had fallen to 81. I spent a long, lonely night on oxygen and solumedrol, wanting to be anywhere but intensive care. I talked my way out of the hospital at 7:00 because I really didn't need to be there. I just needed help the afternoon before.

I came home, played with Kashi, got dressed, and went to work. I had no desire to languish at home because I do not want to think about nearly losing my dog. He does not know about cars and the danger of running around the streets. He has been my companion for over ten years. He has been my sanity as well. I do not want to think about the person who would so casually open both gates.

My writing student was going to volunteer again. She is so close to finishing a rather mammoth project, helping to create an archive of all our press since the company was started. I did not want to miss the opportunity to work with her again. I did not want to think about the person who would so casually open both gates.

I rushed around the last hour at work and carried some things I shouldn't have. I followed that by chatting with my writing student on the way home. So, not long after I found myself coughing again. So far, I have had two nebulizer treatments. I supposed I should go back to the hospital, but I would just get stuck in a room for more of the same treatment as I have done here at home and end up thinking about the person who would so casually open both gates.

I just need time.

Before I found Kashi, I knew I had little time left to find him. I knew that I had crossed the danger line some moments before and would soon move from being reckless to risking my life. I am not sure what to think about the fact that I do not know, even with how little time I had left, if I would have stopped searching.

Right now the oximeter reads 90. I am willing it to rise. I want to stay home, where Kashi and Fancy and Madison can help me to forget about the person who would so casually open both gates.