I am not a doctor...

I am not a doctor, but I am fairly sure I know at least part of what is going on.  And if I am right, it feels like I have to chose between one life of misery and another.

The headache has gone from I-absolutely-wish-to-die to merely-nearly-unbearable.  I stopped taking the Excedrin for migraine since it has the caffeine. I also managed the herculean task of only having one Dr Pepper each day with a half a glass of tea to reduce my caffeine intake as well.  I still would like to excise a portion of my brain directly behind my left eye, but at least I am no longer trying to figure out which of my Henkels knives would do the job.

You see, Loestrin affects the absorption of theophylline.  Caffeine affects the absorption of theophylline.  That is why I had to give up my most beloved Midol, the ONLY medicine that made the agony of my monthly cycle lessen enough to breath and pant and curl in a ball my way through it instead of throwing myself under a train.  Mostly, that beloved of drugs took that all important edge off for me.  I really do have a very high tolerance of pain.  It was hard to give it up.  I actually had to throw away my bottles (yes, I had them at work, at home, and in the car) just so I wouldn't be tempted.

But if you remember, there was that last Midol-chain-popping fiasco where I ended up at the ER.  Stomach cramps.  Dizziness. Blinding headache.  Trouble breathing.  Strange nausea.  [And the unmentionable plumbing issue I am leaving out of my discussion.]  Hmm...sound familiar?  I do not know how Loestrin works, but I take it at 6 PM and the difficulties do not skyrocket until after I take my nightly dose of theophylline.

[I have the world's most reactive/sensitive body when it comes to certain medications.  I wish I could see some value in that.]

Stopping the additional source of caffeine made a difference.  A truly significant difference.  I shall still place my pitiful call to the surgeon, but I think the true test would be to skip my second dose of Theophylline tomorrow night and if I am better, skip the morning dose and see if the following evening is still better.  I would like to have a Theophylline blood level check, but really it needs to happen at 11:00 PM, a little while after my second dose, and what lab is open then?

If I am right, what then? Stop the medication that greatly affects my health and quality of life?  Or stop the other medication that greatly affects my health and quality of life?  SIGH.

I need a personal chemist.
And an ice maker.

For the record, though this has nothing to do with my distress over the fact that I really do strongly suspect I am not going to be able to keep taking both drugs, I am a cruel, horrible, abusive, terrible, wretched puppy mom.

I was not about to have Amos poop inside tonight.  Even. Though. It. Is. Raining.

Yes, that is right, I FORCED my puppy to poop outside, in the dark, in the rain, on cold, wet grass.  He understands the timeouts I give him after he refused to do his business when I KNOW he needs to do so.  [When we come back inside after a lack of productivity, I leave him in the kitchen ALONE with only his bed AWAY from me for 15-30 minutes depending on my anger level.]  Usually, it takes no more than two consecutive timeouts for him to relent.  However, this evening, FIVE timeouts later, Amos gave in and pooped.

After the fourth timeout, he tried to change my mind by peeing four times to show that he was being productive.  Back he went to the kitchen while I lay on the couch once more...missing my puppy, struggling to remain deaf to his pitiful, lonely howls emanating from the kitchen.

After that fifth time out, he stood and looked at me for a long time from the bottom of the steps after peeing again.  I stared back.  He put one paw on the bottom step and looked at me some more.  I did not say a word.  He started to put a second paw forward and then stopped.  With a snort or sigh or grumble, Amos trotted down the sidewalk to the garage.  Once there, he turned and looked at me again.  I remained silent, an implacable barrier to the back door.  After another long staring contest, during which I did not look away or have a single bit of my longing to have him with me again snuggling in my arms written anywhere on my face, Amos ducked his head down between his front legs, slunk over to the bed beneath the Magnolia tree, immediately pooped, and then came bounding back to me and leapt up into my arms.

Of course, I know and you know that the next time it is raining, he will try to avoid outside productivity once more.  He is completely unrepentant in his errant belief that it is wrong to expect a puppy to poop outside in the rain.

Isn't it strange, though, that snow was a source of joy and wonder and much encouragement for outside productivity?  Tonight, after time out number three, I tried to explain that snow was actually rain in another form.  He did not believe me.  I hope it snows again soon.

And my current misery ends...with a miracle of sorts...to me...of keeping both medications (or some derivative thereof with regards to the Loestrin ingredients).


I am Yours, Lord.  Save me!