Today, my Second Cousin D and his family spent the afternoon with me before heading back down South. I picked them up at their hotel and drove out to the National Arboretum. My Second Cousin D's wife SM is an artist, reveled in the inspiration all around her. She had her camera and I had mine. We took photos together. I cannot begin to tell you how much I enjoyed doing so with another person and with folks who would stop to admire the photos I took, giving praise and constructive criticism alike. Below is a selection of the ones I took. As you will see, I primarily worked on figuring out the macro setting on the three cameras I had with me. The tulips at the end were at the stoplight by the Arboretum. I couldn't resist hanging out the window to take a photograph because I found both the mixtures of colors beautiful and the fern sprinkled throughout the corner bed an added fillip!

The grass called. Actually, its cry has been growing louder all week. I should have taken care of the matter after work yesterday, but I was tired.

This morning it rained. The front that moved in caused much pain, beginning last night and lasting through this afternoon. So then and for the better part of this day, I huddled in the green chair curled in a ball. The pain in my legs was particularly bad.

Late this afternoon, we had sunshine long enough to dry out the yard sufficiently so that the grass started calling again. It was actually higher than when I mowed on the 30th, so I just had to face the fact that I needed to get myself outdoors despite how I felt.

The height of the grass was such that I had to double mow. Twice the work. Whilst mowing, I struggled a bit to ignore all the weeds. The only good thing is that once they were all mowed, the yard looked rather nice. Boy, do I enjoy the first two days after I mow and edge and weed.

Since I skipped the edging last time, I went ahead and took care of it...and that is where my concern arose. Now, I have fainted umpteen times mowing the yard because of the heat. It is frustrating, but while I have asked for help, I haven't gotten any and I have not found someone whom I could afford to pay to mow it. I did work at the end of last summer to be better about being careful as I mowed, and I resolved this mowing season to do just half the yard (either front or back) if need be to be safer. While I was hot and bothered today, I did manage to mow without overheating. The problem? Half-way through the edging I was in tears.

I wash my hair at night so that it can dry while I sleep. I do this because I cannot hold a hair dryer any more. The muscles in my arm and shoulders are too weak for sustained use over my head and my hands cramp with just about any sustained use. It simply hurts too much.

However, last summer I had absolutely no problem holding the weed-whacker I use to edge my yard. I always edged after I mow and yet still had no problem. Today, that was just not the case.

My hands began cramping and my grip would slip from the power trigger. The muscles in my arms and shoulders began screaming in protest. I would stop and rest and then start again. I shifted my grip and adjusted the way I held the weed-whacker again and again and again. Before long, tears were streaming down my face in both pain and frustration.

Hours later, I can barely hold a glass of milk...with both hands. The muscles in my arms are trembling and weak. As I type this now, the laptop is resting on my legs so that my fingers are taking the brunt of the labor to post. I tried typing with it on the TV tray I keep in the living area, but raising my arms high enough to do so was too much work and the trembling worsened.

After the children were asleep, B played a game of Scrabble with me, which was a great distraction. I told her about how I was feeling and then typed (in the chat window) that the whole situation frightened me a bit. I feel as if I am getting weaker and am fearful of what that means. She didn't respond, but I wonder if she missed the text due to the fact that I sort of got practically all the high point letters and was winning the game.

When we went to the cabin, I had way too much stuff in my car. I had my baggage and baggage for Kashi and Fancy. I had all my extra pillows that I need to sleep and Kashi's bed. I had Fancy's cage. I had games and DVDs and cameras and groceries and cooking utensils. I think I am getting better at reducing what I bring when I visit, but I am probably in denial.

I just hate the thought of B or her husband G emptying the car, so I try to do it myself. They are quick to pitch in when I come. I do usually end up packing it all back up myself. I pack up and then spend at least half the time driving home with trembling muscles, wondering if I should even be driving.

Now, loading and unloading pounds and pounds of stuff is one thing. But spending 20 minutes with a weed-whacker? How could that be so difficult? Granted, I did have to push harder with the mower since the grass was still a bit damp. But was it really that much harder?

I washed the dishes a lot at the cabin because there was no dishwasher and I wanted to be helpful. Doing so made my hands cramp and the muscles in my arms ache before I finished. Standing in front of the sink also made the arthritis in my lower back protest the labor. While washing the dishes, I wondered why it hurt so much. I know that scrubbing or gripping something for a while makes my hands cramp. I know that. I just feel like a year ago...or perhaps two...I could have done the dishes without gritting my teeth and hoping I could minimize the complaints that seem to slip out from between my lips far too easily.

While B was taking care of the children, I tried to chop up some wood because we were running out and both of us were reveling in having her cozy cabin heated by the fireplace. We had looked for some fallen wood that might be ready to burn. I found a few pieces that were only a few inches thick. I thought that we could at least use that to supplement the dwindling pile. B was in the house when I swung the ax. All too quickly I felt my muscles begin to tremble. I admit I persisted too long at my futile endeavor because I wanted to prove myself useful at the cabin. I wanted to add to our household, not just be a drain on it. However, I suddenly realized that I was not sure I could make it back to the cabin. I actually crawled up the half flight of steps and stumbled across the porch. I struggled to open the door and collapsed on the couch.

I wanted to call B. I wanted her to tell me that I wasn't going to die from my stupidity. I wanted to not be alone in my fear and confusion. I wanted her company. But she was doing something with the children, putting them down for their naps or something equally important. I couldn't bring myself to call her to my side. When she was finished, I tried to tell her what was happening, how bad I felt. I think she understood, at least in part. To her credit, she just let me lie there like a lump on a log and recover without chastising me or declaring me useless. I love that about her. She sees me at my worst and never punishes me for it.

I know. I know that I could weed-whack just fine last summer. I never gave a single thought about my grip or how long I would need to hold the weed-whacker. When taking care of the lawn, my only concern was for the heat.

Now, I am worried about more...and what that means...

Happy B-Day Dear W!

I had a bit of a lesson today. You see, yesterday I got spoken to rather strongly by my boss who was mistaken about what she heard. Then I was spoken to rather strongly about what she thought she was mistaken about. Several mistakens later, I was still being spoken strongly too when all I have done since I arrived was work, work, work while trying to figure out my new world. Been pretty darned protective over 10 days, if I may say so.

Anyhow, I called D on the way home because I didn't want to rant to my Second Cousin D and his family when I haven't seen them in oh so many years. D has this most wonderful attitude about women: "We support each other; that's what women do!" She was juggling three children and dinner when I called and asked if she could call me back. I told her sure, but that I was meeting folks for dinner so it would have to be latter. When she realized I just needed to vent, she told me to hang on a moment, settled her children briefly, and told me to spill my day.

Those five or so minutes were just what I needed.

I had wanted to talk with my boss about the exchange. Sometimes, she says these things that could be devastating if I were to take them at face value. I mean, I know she's been under staffed for months and has a colossal backlog. While I would love to roll up my sleeves and bring order to the chaos I see (some organization and data and boilerplate materials would go a long way), what I want, while very much needed, is not what she needs. She needs someone to stand beside her and just pitch in while she tries to find her own balance.

I'm okay with that. After all, I have a MUCH better salary, a WONDERFUL commute, a job in an HONORABLE company, and work that I ENJOY and where I can WRITE. And today I was reminded just how witty and fun my boss can be. I laughed through my interviews, at peace with the possibility of working with her even though I knew she was ever so particular about how she would like things designed.

I wanted to say something, but I didn't because I didn't want make a deal about it. First, it just doesn't matter. My last job finally taught me that. My self image has nothing to do with how I am perceived by other people or how my work is received. I just needed to be patient.

I was. I didn't speak. I took my respite of D's listening ear and my verbal spew and set them aside. I enjoyed the evening with my Second Cousin D and his family and took myself off to work today with a willing attitude.

So, as I said, I slogged through much work and then enjoyed a hearty repartee with my boss. It was as if in that moment, God stood beside me, reminding me of the value of His lessons, especially when I actually follow them!

I have been working on patience in so very many areas. Patience in pain. Patience in a career. Patience in purchase. Patience in decisions. Patience in speaking.

Now...B would say that my next lesson should be patience in griping. She might be right!

To all of you who have been sending well wishes and prayers my way, I would like to announce that for this day, at least, I had air-conditioning in my office! I was practically giddy with relief. Now, by late afternoon, I did feel a trifle warm again. However, I am thinking positive at the moment.

I had a meeting this morning with a web designer and a web developer. I prefer to use one-stop shopping when it comes to redesigning websites, but this was a meeting set up prior to my arrival. The meeting was to learn about Joomla. Frankly, in the research I did to prepare for the meeting and now after the presentation, I believe this is not the product to use. I would like to pursue Contribute. Joomla is a true content management system, more of a development orientated approach. Contribute is a content editor with drag and drop features and photos editing (tweaking) capabilities. More investigation is needed...

My Second Cousin D (as opposed to my Cousin D or my Third Cousin D whom I don't really know), his wife, and his daughter had a surprise visit to DC this week (I am a bit surprised they didn't book a room in my Basement B&B). He up and called me to get together with all sorts of plans to go to the Kennedy Center. As tired as I have been, I just cannot go out and socialize after work. I called my Cousin D when I first got Second Cousin D's message because I was worried that he would want to do just such a thing and I didn't want him to think I didn't want to see him and his family when I declined. Cousin D thought things would be fine, so I suggested to Second Cousin D that he and his family come over to this rather fantastic Thai place by my home.

Now Second Cousin D's wife SM is from Malaysia, so it was a bit of a risk suggesting the restaurant. However, I truly believe it has a rather remarkable menu. I am fairly pleased to report that she found the food to be some the of best she has had. That's saying a lot! Cousin D had liked the Massaman (sp?) Curry, so they tried it with two other dishes, ordering everything super hot. I stuck to my favorites, mild but savory.

Afterwards, we finally broke in a gift card that I received for Cold Stone Creamery. I know someone who terms the place her therapy. She gave me the card for as a thank you for some work with her daughter. I had asked B to share it with me, but strangely enough three times we failed to do so. Oh, my, it was so very tasty. I had cake filling icing with graham cracker crust and Reese's peanut butter cups hand-folded into the ice cream. And...there is enough for three more trips to the wicked place even after treating my relatives.

They stopped by my home after our long evening meal. SM needed to use the computer for a bit since she is still working though on vacation. Second Cousin D and his daughter K looked at my old family photos from that collection I scanned and archived a while ago. All of them also admired my moss gardens...after only a little prompting and without even laughing at me!

K, a sophomore in high school, happens to like fantasy books, and I happen to have an extra copy of the most wonderful books ever, Dragonology, so I passed it on to her. She will be lost for days working her way through it. My writing student K gave me my copy a while ago as a gift, one that ranks up there pretty high on the all-time-best-gifts-received-in-my-life. Some of the other gifts on that list are: a home-made card from B, a tin box container that looks like a book (a free gift J passed on to me because she was thinking of me and rather unselfishly did not keep it for herself although she would have been happy to do so), Kashi (my graduation gift to myself), Uncle D's unexpected donation to my Italy trip fund, a timely loan from D, and...yes...my Dallas Cowboy lounge pants from W.

I ended up driving them back to their hotel because it would be a much shorter trip than the Metro at night and the neighborhood they picked is not the greatest for a night-time walk from the nearest station. We all laughed that they have a Magellan, too, and call theirs "Maggie" as well. Even with Maggie's help, I had several wrong turns there. Having three other folks in the car to interpret was most helpful.

Worried about getting home, I called and woke up my friend DB (I added a second letter because frankly there are a lot of D's in my life). He's the one who drives me to Sugarland concerts in other cities even though he does not particularly care for their music. Though sleepy, he was obliging as my "escort." I arrived home without a single wrong turn.

Kashi's in a bit of snit because I was gone so long today. I am utterly exhausted, especially since I talked a mile a minute having company around. [To be honest, I do get rather lonely.] Although I need to be in bed, I am watching some of The Abyss on television (even though I own the movie and could skip the commercials). Fancy needs some Momma Flock time and Kashi some Alpha Dog time. [Can you guess which I am, Momma Flock or Alpha Dog?]

You know, my dearest puppy dog will be 13 years old in just a month...Why cannot dogs live a human lifetime????????????

~~~~
NOTE: I have noticed that lately, sometimes, eating ice cream has started to make me cough. Tonight, I quickly popped my cough pills. Since the cough was lingering a bit, I added two puffs of my emergency inhaler when I got home. Now, could I be becoming allergic to ice cream (what could possibly be different in there from all the milk I drink?) or could the cough be from the fact that I am consuming something so very cold when cold is one of my asthma triggers? Neither one of those answers is a good one for me because both imply that I should not be eating ice cream.

Still stinking hot. About 2:00 I start to peter out, longing for an escape. This sweltering office problem really is an issue.

Today, I spent most of my time Googling Contribute and Joomla, trying to learning the differences between the two Content Management Systems. My choice, before the two vendor pitches, is for Contribute. The webinar I watched was quite encouraging in the fact that it seems like the learning curve would be pleasantly low.

Tomorrow, I have to wake up early so that I can sit through a presentation of Joomla. It will be the first time I have to figure out how to set up the computer and projector in the conference room. Don't you just love technological challenges?

At work, they were going to purchase a two drawer lateral filing cabinet for me. Then, someone needed a larger one, so I was asked if I would take hers. Grateful to have some more storage, I readily agreed. The woman I am swapping with drove my "new" filing cabinet into my office on a dolly this afternoon. It is actually a three-drawer one that is the perfect height for standing and sorting things. It is as if my office got a counter top!

Two drawers are now each half filled and the third will be storage for some supplies I have (I am NOT writing about the top loading sheet protectors I found...I swear they are breeding!). The two rolling file holders that had been tucked beneath my desk are now passed on to others and I am enjoying the extra space.

Once I plow through the old binders on the bookshelf, I will be all moved in and my office completely organized! I haven't the heart to ask if I can paint the walls to abandon the beach theme. If I keep with the (gulp) ocean blue and sandy brown color theme that I am sure is adding to the sweltering factor in the room, I might just collapse permanently instead of just for a few hours each evening on the couch.

While there are interesting decorations about the room, I am the only one without artwork on the walls. If I could have my green walls, my plan was to print some of my moss photos and use them. I wonder...if I went ahead and hung them, would the clashing colors drive my boss to suggest that I pick up a paint brush?

It really is great that I work for a woman who takes such an interest in creating a comfortable working environment!

For the past 7 work days, I have been sweltering. For the past 7 work days, the skies have been quite overcast. While I am struggling with the former, I am grateful for the latter...no hot sunshine pouring in the great big picture window in my new office!

After much scrambling around to schedule some interviews and hastily write several articles for the newsletter, I am just one piece and two photos shy of finishing it. I did have to come up with a graphic to accompany a chart I created to show the difference in funding in housing between the proposed 2009 federal budget and the 2008 budget. My solution: I found some clip art of a house that was a simple line drawing. I put dollar signs representing the changes, colored green for increases, red for cuts, and black for flat funding. The red dollar signs are spilling out the bottom of the drawing. My boss was not impressed...but I never, EVER claimed to be a graphic artist.

I thought I would show you the fountain I mentioned yesterday. If you remember the photo from umpteen posts ago, you will see that the basin has changed (this is the $3 concrete base I found). The wide angle view shows the turtle that rests in the basin. Sometimes Kashi will put his nose right up against the turtle's to check him out. He will sniff a bit and then continue on his way.

In many of my pots, I have tiny ceramic or stone frogs or turtles. I also have some mud Asian mud figurines. For example, I have a small cottage and tiny bridge that sit in one of my favorite moss gardens.

The second photo shows the hairy things growing up out of the moss. I think they are strange, but then again...I just love the fact that there is moss growing on my fountain!

Once it is warm enough, I will plant some flowers in the holes scattered over the rock. They will make up for the fact that once my local flock of birds start frolicking the water to escape from the summer heat the moss will be torn off by their claws. The past few years, I have planted impatiens because they grow lush surrounded by water.

Since it has been raining for days and days and days, the water is running particularly clear and I have not had to remove any debris from the sides of the pump (something that involves a bit of a contortionist move on my part and a conquering of fear since I cannot see where I am putting my hand). When the water is running this strongly, I can hear the melody of the fountain through the kitchen door.

SIGH

My boss was out of town again today, so I found some time to do a bit more unpacking and some organizing. As for the former, I have now settled all I can in my office since the storage is a bit lacking. She did tell me to order a lateral filing cabinet, so I will soon be able to add the box of things that I put back in my car for the duration.

I started working on a press archive by organizing all the articles I found spread amongst several places. I arranged them in chronological order, slipped them in top-loading sheet protectors, and put them in a binder with divider tabs by years. Such pleasure gained whilst tackling this task! The next step will be putting them all into a spreadsheet so that I can start analyzing the organization's media coverage.

I also spent some time with one of my staff, talking a bit about affordable housing and a bit about writing for affordable housing. Friday, I sent her out on an interview (I had wanted the task myself, but my boss wants me to groom her), and she presented the article for the newsletter this afternoon. We slugged through editing it and another piece she did, with several comma lessons. I deserve some award for chocking back my acerbic rejoinder when she actually told me, "When I write, I never pay attention to grammar rules because I write so well intuitively without following any particular rule."

While I have some reservations about some "attitude" I seem to see at times, she was thankful and appreciative of the help and told me that she looked forward to learning from me. I was also thankful that out of the 26 photos she took at the interview, one was actually usable for the newsletter that I am trying to hastily put together.

She is rather good at tackling small things for me. For example, when plowing through organizing the press pieces, I found two folded newspapers and did not have the heart to find the article that mentions my organization. I gave them to her and asked if she would check them out whenever she had a chance. When I got back from lunch, she had found the articles I needed to save. I was thankful for the assistance. I think, perhaps, my one learning curve here will be learning how to NOT do everything myself.

I finished my day by getting two more of the newsletter articles written and set in place.

I had to highs today: 1) I met my former cubicle mate for lunch. I really do miss her company. We chatted up a storm over Chipotle burritos. 2) I attempted to reduce the mass of stuff in my study closet (this is where 3 degrees worth of literacy studies materials are tucked away).

As for the latter, I would give myself an A for effort, but a D+ for execution. I only managed to reduce one of the towering piles by a mere 8 inches (I just cannot part with such good research materials). I did say goodbye to a wooden basket-type box that has a teddy-bear on it, my old day timer, a miniature slide viewer, a plastic fountain, and a piece of old luggage. Perhaps B's daughter E might like the basket.

Frankly, I really do need to let go of all things teddy-bear (except for my old pal tucked up in the corner of my own closet).

Today, I moved all the plants I have been wintering indoors back outside. I know that I am pushing it a bit with the weather still chilly, but I just had to give myself some space. Never do I feel my home is so spacious as do I when I make that spring pilgrimage with my plants.

My friend DB, who stays at my house for me when I am out of town, failed to water my plants while I was at B's cabin. I tried not to complain because I am appreciative of his help. But I do have this funky palm sort of plant that only puts out one stem a year. I have had it seven years. Before I left, it had 7 stems. When I came back home, 5 of them were either dead or yellowing in death.

I was worried about my two bonsais, but they weathered the water strain fairly well. The oldest bonsai I have is nearly 50 years and is in dire need of re-potting, but I am fearful of tackling that task since the last time I attempted to re-pot a bonsai, it died a lingering death. The other one is not that old, but it has been loyal to me. [I will not talk about the more than dozen bonsais that were quite disloyal and up and died on me despite my lavished loving attention.]

When Miss Z walked outside, she became fascinated with my fountain, pronouncing it, "COOL!" on more than one occasion. I had cleaned out all the winter leave debris and the birds have not yet taken to perching on it, so it is more than half covered with moss just now. Much of the moss is sprouting these alfalfa like sprouts. I supposed that is a part of it growth and development, but it does look like something out of Dr. Seuss.

I swept up the pieces of the two pots that did not survive the winter and disinterred the remains of the two plants that also succumbed to the cold. While doing the latter, the old crate that they were perched on collapsed. B and her husband G had brought it to me. Although I had put deck sealer on it every year, I suppose it was just not intended to be outdoors so much. I kept the two ends because I thought I might be able to make something out of them.

Finally, I consoled myself by creating a new moss garden. It is in a tiny oriental pot. I hope that there is enough space for it to flourish, but will seem way too small to interest the blasted squirrels who have the audacity to dig in my moss garden pots.

Working out doors was rather peaceful and enjoyable to me, despite the gray drizzle. I only wish B was here so that I had someone with whom to share my puttering in the yard.

My D's visit went by in mere heartbeats!

Awaking to the lovely chattering of Miss Z as she comforted M whilst she was stuck in the Graco travel crib, I couldn't help but smile as she told her a story about Miss Matrisha (that's her version of my name). Given the wee hour of the morning (not quite 8:00), I half slept through changing M's diaper and preparing breakfast for both girls. D awoke and went to fetch herself some Starbucks (mine is a coffee free home). When she returned, I headed back to be to finish my evening's rest.

Unfortunately, I slept until 11:00 and awoke to discover D needed to leave by 1:00. We enjoyed a tasty meal at Panera's, but it seemed like just moments passed before she drove off into the distance.

Miss Z rode to Panera's with me, once her doll was safely buckled in the seat next to her. I couldn't help but take some photos of such a cute pair of "girls."

The funniest part of the visit was when Miss Z was racing around the corner of the dining area to follow her mother to the basement bedroom suite and came to a squeaking halt in the kitchen.

"Mommy!" she cried. "Mommy this kitchen is soooo small!"

I just had to laugh. Frankly, I feel as if my kitchen has shrunk each year I have been in my house. Soon, it shall disappear all together!

I am happily ensconced at the computer, typing away. Now, normally all computing at home is happily done, but this is more so because my friend D came over for a visit. She has been missing from my life for quite a while, for reasons that sadden my heart. But when she could look up from the unexpected wreckage of her life, she found courage and purpose and reached out to those who had been her friends.

She brought two of her children with her, M who is 18 months and Z who is nearly five. Two delightful girls I must say. M is a little Cindy Lou. She is wide-eyed, exploring every part of her surroundings. I chuckled to see her test every sitting surface in the living room...the stool, the doggy bed, the scale, stepper.... She clearly enjoyed "riding" one step down, but could not figure out that if she were to switch to the other step, her ride would continue. Miss Z, as her mother oft calls her, is quiet and loving and full of stories. Of course, I had to take the time to teach Z a game. In no time flat, she fully embraced "Go Fish!"

D is going back to school to provide for her family now that she is a single mother. Going back to school means planning and preparation and the dreaded essay application. Before she came, she sent a text message asking if we could work on the latter, especially since she knew that it would be no source of dread for me. D is very, very talented as a writer. She enjoyed a healthy blog following until she needed to pull her online journal due to the difficulties of her divorce. But the idea of writing a personal statement, especially now when her life is so very personal, was a bit overwhelming to her.

So, here we are, dueling laptops, churning out stories. She is telling that of her life. I am working on Aryanth's. Now, I would be remiss if I did not admit that she passed me her laptop for a sentence or two (or more), but what I do know about D is that whatever I craft for her will only be a mere shadow of the masterpiece she will eventually reveal. Alas, I do rather envy her way with words, the way she can wend her way through a message with just the perfect words and rich language that is an arrow shaft directly to your soul. You knew her when you read her blog. You became her as she walked the path of a mother and of a wife, celebrating the lives of her children in a way that I had never encountered. Sorrow fills my heart at the destruction of her life as a mother, but I marvel at how she has embraced, albeit sometimes with tears streaming down her cheeks, the challenges before her as she rebuilds her life.

From the moment I first knew her, I found D to be someone who encourages me as a woman and inspires me to continue to take the dark parts of my childhood and turn them into beauty in my own life. We share the truth that we had a childhood that really was not. While I know I am no longer trapped there, trapped then, I marvel at the woman she has become and long to join her as one who thrives despite this, despite that, despite all.

There is no avoiding it. I am still hot.

I try to tell myself that the temperature in my office is better, but that is really a simply specious claim. In reality, I have dressed as if it were the height of summer.

I am trying to remain calm. I am trying to be the model of equanimity. I am trying to be a leaf on the wind.

I am, however, still hot. Still struggling with debilitating fatigue. Still getting a bit disorientated as the day goes on...and on...and on...

I am ever so thankful for this job, for the opportunity it represents.

Would the fact that I used the air-conditioner to cool the house down to 60 degrees last night so that I could sleep better once I collapsed on the couch after arriving home for the day convey just how difficult it has been?

Oh, my, have I been hot...

Today was much better with regards to the overwhelming heat in my office. But I did find myself wilting rather noticeably around 2:00 PM. I hung on until just after 4:00 and then volunteered to drive some stuff to a thrift store. Of course, had I been a bit sharper, I would have realized that rush hour is not exactly the best time to run any errand. I spent over an hour navigating my way to the thrift store and then on to my home. Once there, I collapsed on the couch and slept until 10:30.

I have tried to talk with a couple of friends about the heat, but the just don't seem to understand how serious this is for me. I was to scream in frustration, but have not the energy to do so. Instead, I am just trying to hang on until some air-conditioning miracle is wrought in my life.

After my lengthy nap this evening, I designed a program for a benefit piano concert that is coming up in May. I am sort of pleased with my labors, but my new boss is most particular in her opinions, ideas, and vision. Being the next one down on the totem pole, I have no problem with her directing collateral development...but I sort of wish she was ever the weeist bit more encouraging. Instead, she just launches right into what works for her and what most decidedly does not work.

The situation is a bit ironic. When I work with writing students or editing clients, I always say that they need to understand that my comments are never personal...they are just about the writing...what works and what needs some further crafting. Being on the other side of the editing process might possibly be a bit harder than I have given credit to my students and clients.

SIGH

~~~~
NOTE: In case you are wondering, the healing of my finger has made some progress. The swelling is nearly gone. The pain is less. Typing is getting easier. And all the schlepping of boxes has had the added benefit of doubling as physical therapy so well that I can bend the joint significantly more than when I posted on the matter last Saturday. There is this disconcerting lump beneath the skin, but I am assuming that it is internal scar tissue given the fact that pressure upon it brings about much more pain. I must remind myself to stay away from Kashi's teeth!

How goes the job?

The commute is great. The pace is a bit frenetic and disorganized. My boss is quite intelligent and will be a great model for me. All good, eh? Well, good for growth, I would say. There is one pretty significant problem.

My office has an HVAC vent right above my desk that has been blasting hot air into the small space.

Yesterday, I came home at 7:00 (yes, I need to work on that work:life balance), opened Fancy's cage, let Kashi out, and literally collapsed on the couch. I awoke at 11:00 to let Kashi out once more, cover Fancy's cage, and stumble upstairs to bed. Heat is oh, so very bad for someone with MS.

Today, I went into work trying to remain positive. I climbed up on a chair (and a phone book) to close the lever that would block the air to duct to my office (a lesson learned while managing the building my first boss in this area owned). And I unpacked my desktop fan and planted it right in my face. The office went from intolerable to merely sweltering. I am a bit worried and am wondering how long until central management will decide that winter is over and the likelihood of us freezing has passed.

I just need to hang on...

~~~~
NOTE: I was a wee bit hot under the collar when I posted on Friday and typed 4 mistakes into my article. I corrected them...can't believe no one pointed out my bonehead typos...wonder if you can find my edits...

Well, I gave into the call of the lawn (weeds).

Today, I mowed and weeded the flowerbeds, both back and front. I am aghast at how much weeds I have in the front lawn (over 60% for sure), but I did not have the energy to make a trip to Lowe's for some weed stuff. I will have to do that one day after work this week since I will no longer have a wretched commute (woo hoo) in this traffic congestion laden region.

The grass that was growing amidst the weeds had achieved a height of just over six inches (yes, I measured) and had to be dealt with even though I would have preferred to rest the whole day. I set the lawn mower height up two notches and mowed one round, set it back down one notch and mowed a second time. At least the yard no longer looks as if it is an abandoned lot.

I tried to ignore the copious, pernicious weeds in the flowerbeds, but I just couldn't walk back inside though I very much longed to do so. Now, mowing was hard just for the fact that I am getting weaker than I would prefer to be. Lugging all those boxes into my car, into the house, and then back out to the car sort of wiped me out. It should have been easier labor, but weeding became a nightmare. I started sneezing and just couldn't stop. My rather violent attack even sent Kashi running into the house for safety. I did, however, manage to finish the task and am glad for the neat appearance of the yard as a whole.

Whilst working in the yard, I discovered a step that I had missed last November when I dug them up during my brother's visit. I had thought, then, the pattern looked a bit off, but failed to see this one and a half inch spot of concrete peeking out between the grass that is now oh so obviously the missing stepping stone in the pattern I created. I really, really wanted to dig it up, but 1) I just didn't have the strength and 2) I no longer have anything to put beneath it to keep it from settling again. I will have to remember to pick up some sand when I get that lawn weed stuff.

I finished by cleaning out and then refilling all of the bird feeders. Oh, my, as I was working some bird set out and cry and soon the local population had filled the branches about my yard. I stepping back inside to fetch the thistle. When I came out again, it was as if I entered a scene from The Birds. Whole waves of birds startled from their perches and flocked to the trees to await my departure. I wondered if I lingered in my last chore if they would drive me away in their desire to assuage their hunger at my feeders. Once back inside, I peered out the kitchen window for a while to admire the fruits of my labor and the antics of my avian neighbors. The best part was watching the morning doves settle about the fountain. Late last night I had cleaned out the fountain and turned it back on since the danger of it freezing has most likely passed by. I could tell then had missed it as much did I.

I would give just about anything right now for someone to come over so that I could take a hot bath. It is rather too dangerous to do myself since I faint so easily when getting overheated. Hot showers are a real fine line with me (one I gamble with all too frequently), but a good soak for my labor weary body is completely out of the question unless someone is around to make sure I get out in time.

Alas, I shall have to make do with a tepid shower since I should not risk falling the night before I start my new job.

My new job...boy, do I like the sight of those words!

I finally finished unpacking from my vacation. That led to clearing off the stairs (where I stick the stuff that needs to go upstairs but have been ignoring for weeks and weeks and weeks). Doing so meant tacking my filing. I also went through the way-too-many boxes that I had packed from my cubicle and organized them for removal to my new office. I sure do seem to love office supplies!

My cousin D read the article on change and sent this back to me:

So remember this as you go into your new job at a new organization:

"People taking new jobs should recognize that changes, whether expected or unexpected, are in actuality opportunities to learn and to grow. Change, while accompanied by less than pleasant experiences, can ultimately be a very good thing."

I guess I ought to heed his (my) words, eh?

~~~~
NOTE: My left pinkie finger is healing nicely, that is from the outside at least. In fact, thanks to some amazing antibiotic stuff that my mother had sent at Christmas, you can barely see the puncture marks, and I avoided those fears of a bothersome abscess. However, the finger doesn't work very well yet. It is still rather painful to the touch and a bit swollen. I cannot bend it all the way, and it is of little use when it comes to gripping something. Let's see...just over two weeks out from having a puppydog's canine tooth pass completely through the joint...ought I even be noting my difficulties still?

I could grouse about how my boss (nor any other senior staff) didn't show up to my farewell party (as they have done for all the other ones I have attended), about I was offered a mere $12.50 an hour to continue my position on a contract basis, about how I was not given the courtesy of an exit interview as everyone else has been, or about how my separation paperwork was not even ready and I had to ferret it out myself, but that would be complaining, eh? Instead I shall share four things from today:

1. The women that I have been helping banded together and created a Patricia-Centered farewell party. It consisted of Costco Pizza and Dr. Pepper! They also made this poster-sized, framed scrapbook page of my time at the agency. It was a very special time for me even if they were the only ones interested in celebrating with me.

2. Six people who do not work with me but have taken note of my communications work, including my collateral designs, heard that I was leaving and wrote me cards to say how much they admired my professionalism and talent.

3. S, my dear cubicle mate, had a great idea for a photo to hang on the wall at my new office so that I would not miss her. It is below:



4. I wrote the front page article for the next newsletter and am particularly pleased with the outcome. I have added it below:

Be An Agent of Change

Life is change.

From the moment we are born, our bodies are in a constant state of change. Even when we achieve our full height, every cell in our bodies is renewed over a cycle spanning several years. Outwardly, we see our hair and nails grow. Inwardly, the changes are just as present.

Each experience we have shapes us, molds us. Each time we experience something, we process and absorb bits and pieces of that experience. Sometimes it is feelings. Sometimes it is knowledge. Sometimes it is preferences. Whatever the experience, each time we are changed by it.

As a reader, I am known to pick up a favored book again and again—something many readers cannot quite understand with all the good books out there and just a short lifetime in which to read them. But, for me, a year would not be complete unless I make my way through the incredibly delightful tomes of James Herriot. I chuckle each time he sets out to visit his fellow vet Granville Bennett because no matter how sophisticated he desires to be, James inevitably looks the fop. I know that I will enjoy a great guffaw in those sections, but each time I also savor them in a different manner. Sometimes I am admiring the craftsmanship of the author. Sometimes I am in need of laughter in my own life. Sometimes I am curious as to how any individual would wish to consume pickled onions.

A close friend abhors change. She fights it tooth and nail, railing about the injustice of it all. Only after she has reached the other side can she see that she has grown, has learned, and can accept the change as something good in her life.

Foster children live lives that are the epitome of change. Their experiences, prior to becoming a foster child, are often negative, changing them in ways that one would not choose if given the option. Once in care, they have people come in and out of their lives. They lose friends and homes, neighborhoods and schools. Change, then, can become fearful to them, something to be dreaded rather than embraced.

Therefore, it is one of the challenges that Foster Parents face: teaching the children who come into their care that changes, whether expected or unexpected, are in actuality opportunities to learn and to grow. Changes, even those accompanied by less than pleasant experiences, can ultimately be a very good thing.

After all, change is life.

~~~~
NOTE: Last night I figured out how to add a wee something special to the website I built about Honey Speak. Go to www.honeyspeak.com and check out the interior pages!

I have been a bit lax about unpacking since my world turned upside down when I got back. Tonight I have put away all the extra non-perishable groceries, the DVDs, the dirty laundry, and the games.

When I went to unpack my computer backpack, I opened the plastic cover for one of my xD memory cards to discover a spider hiding inside!

I guess I brought back a bit more than a passel of good memories from my time at B's cabin!

J is such an amazing woman who teaches me much about friendship.

She is on this most wondrous journey just now. God laid upon her heart a vision for a thrift store that could serve many purposes to her community and that dream has been fulfilled in a mighty big way. She took one step through an opening He provided her and blessings have been showing down around her ever since. The Lord is very clearly at work in her small corner of Worthington, Ohio. I believe it to be a good work that He is crafting in hercreated in her such a fearless and honest heart.

In short, On Second Thought is a place where you can shop, watch artists at work, meet authors, and hone your writing skills. It is a true haven, with proceeds that benefit, in part, Diabetes and the Church.

Over the course of our friendship, mostly many, many years of keeping in touch across many, many miles, J has sent those wonderful letters of hers. Tales of her family and her life written on bits and pieces of paper collected throughout her days...a menu...a candy wrapper...the back of one of her children's school papers. I've written of them before and have kept each and every one of them. In fact, there is a sheaf of them beside my bed that I peruse from time to time as I try to find sleep on pain-filled days. Just a few words into them and I shed my burden to live in her world for a bit.

Well, she went and sent me a rather wonderful Easter card. The blanks spaces were filled with many words, but that is not all she sent. After reading my post on Earl Grey tea, she searched through her donated tea basket to see if there were any packets. While her preference is decaffeinated tea, she did venture a taste...and pronounced the mug satisfying. She sent the other two bags to me that I might savor both the flavor and the act of friendship. What is precious about J is that she also included the empty tea bag.

What others might view as trash, I saw as a loving reminder that I am thought of and cherished by my dear friend J.

Well, shiver me timbers. I've done gone and finally landed me a job that might be a true fit, a genuine challenge, and a much sight better closer to a decent salary than I have seen in...well...forever!

Friday marks my last day messaging for foster care and Monday marks the return to messaging for affordable housing. If you will pardon the pun, I feel as if I am going home.

I am in shock and giddy with glee. I regret not being able to bring my plans to fruition, but I have banged my head against the brick wall for eight months. I am most ready to being a new challenge.

Sometimes...I just wonder about my dwindling faculties!

I have been trying to figure out how to get the photos to my computer since 1) I do not have the cable that came with the camera and 2) I do not have a card reader that reads xD cards. Well, I just discovered that the laptop Dell sent as a replacement well over a year ago has a card reader that will accept xD cards!

So...here are a small sampling of my moss photos:







What joy there is in green growing things...

What a beautiful day to celebrate the incredible gift God gave in His Son. I think I could spend a lifetime trying to understand the magnitude of Christ's sacrifice on the Cross... Whilst doing so, I pray I never forget neither the cost of giving the gift of eternal life nor the blessing of receiving that gift.

Selah

I back dated this post, although it is already tomorrow...

While I would rather be spending another day with B and her family, the thought of unpacking my stuff that I just loaded into the car to lug it into her house only to pack it back up and load it into the car tomorrow is a might overwhelming. For all that I have been reveling in the mountain air, the mossy scenery, B and her family, and a surfeit of movies and games, I am tired from coughing at night. I think that my asthma does not love the cold air as much do I. This might be a wee bit of a problem with my goal of moving to Appleton...

I did not arrive back here until 2:45 AM and it took another hour for me to unload the car, hang Fancy's cage, and get the groceries into the refrigerator (I was supposed to eat them all there, but I found more tasty supplies at the local grocery). Here I am now, nearly 4:00 in the morning, ready to tumble into bed.

For years B has talked about going to the cabin. I cannot begin to write just how much I enjoyed finally having a chance to understand what a wonderful place it is...a bit of peace settled in the heart of the Poconos.

J is such a smart little boy for someone who has just 15 months under his belt. He has learned that when I go to the closet to get Kashi's leash it means I am taking my puppydog for a walk. J will toddle over to me, sign the word "please," and hold his arms up toward me. Who could resist that?

He will either walk beside me, heedless of the number of falls he takes along the way, or he will ride inside my sweatshirt. Either way, J spends much of his time in wide-eyed, quiet contemplation of the world around him, said ruminations occasionally punctuated by deep sighs.

Oh, the lessons we can learn from the very young...God is a mighty Creator whose artist's hand painted such a lovely portrait on this planet...

We might possibly have gotten a bit lost when venturing out today. We had set out toward a neighboring town that had a Wal-Mart in search of diapers and millet. After driving in the right direction, doubting our navigational abilities, turning around and driving in the wrong direction, then realizing that the first direction was the right direction, we called it a day and hit a local pizza joint.

On a scale of 1-10, the pizza was probably a 3. In fact, extra cheese was, in this case, really too much cheese. However, since B loves just about all pizza and I have never encountered a cheese pizza that I would not consume, the meal was satisfactory.

We stopped by a local grocery store for a few supplies before heading home to put the children to bed. J was a marvelously well-behaved little boy. E had a knock-down, drag-out temper tantrum on the floor of one of the aisles. At one point her shoes were off and she was kicking at anything and every thing. B handled it beautifully, and we finished our shopping. It might possibly have happened that some new Turkey Hill ice cream and some local gorp leapt into the shopping cart whilst my head was turned. I did pick up some fresh strawberries, basil, rosemary, and asparagus.

Fancy was happy to receive the millet. I had forgotten to pack some, and it is a big part of her diet. Thus far, I have spent a lot of time with her on my shoulder so that she would not become stressed over the trip. She also rode up here on my shoulder. That seemed to make the trip easier on her. She does not like the dark at all, and I had to wrap her in a towel to make the transition from the car to the cabin because of the cold weather. B brought a small space heater for my room so that Fancy would not get to cold. The heat bothers me, but I know that it is important for her.

Today, I spent some time on the porch swing hold J and with E at my side. I prayed with them both about this world God has given us and the family He gave to the two of them. At first E was fidgeting, but then she started prompting me on what to add to my prayers.

I am so very, very blessed by B and her family. I mean, it is not often someone will welcome you and your pets into their home, making allowances for all of your quirks and their needs. For example, today B let me sleep to noon and then ignored my grumpiness as I transitioned to wakefulness. She plays games for hours on end and endures my joyful victories and sullen defeats. She loves my guffaws and makes silly faces at me. She washes my dishes and fetches things for me, especially if doing so would mean that I would have to bend over. She is quite appreciative of my own cooking and cleaning and diapering. And she will take out my dog for me to spare me the trip down the steps. She does not laugh at me for having a bird on my head and will let me pass Fancy over to her so that I can get up and do something. She might be annoyed at Kashi ardently defending some toy of his, but she does not kick him to the curb. She loves me and mine. That is something wonderful.

Great is the Lord. How wonderful a Creator is He!

We are fully engaged in resting and relaxing. And watching more Stargate SG-1. And playing games. I have won two rounds of Rumikub and one of Skipbo. I won two more games of Quorridor before B finally figured out the strategy to that game. The last three games were miserable losses on my part. She won one game of Sorry; I won two. We both won a few games of Splashdown Uno. I won You've Been Sentenced. G won Rummikub. He indulges my game hunger from time to time, but mostly he lets B play with me.

Tonight, I sauteed chicken with olive oil, ginger, mustard powder, garlic powder and maple sugar tapped from one of B's own trees! I must say that it was rather tasty!

E has had some tough times choosing appropriate behavior, but B and G are staying the course with her. She is such a bright, engaging child. If only she didn't have quite such a tenacious spirit.

J is adorable. And...I still have the J Magic!

I am already so very satisfied with this trip...and I have six more days to enjoy the beautiful nature whilst in the bosom of my best friend's family!

In case you are wondering how I can post from here, I will admit that I found an open wireless Internet connection. One of the neighboring cabins must be high tech!

Today was lovely. We played games and watched numerous episodes of Stargate SG-1 [Oh, how I am rejoicing that I can finally share my love of sci-fi with B!] J is walking all over the place. E walked Kashi for the first time! I have photos galore of the latter.

B and G are great fire tenders, so the cabin is toasty. I, of course, am reveling in the cold temperatures outside. I was sweaty, really hot and bothered, while packing up the car on Friday. I feel as if we were cheated out of a winter this year. Now I will have 8 days to enjoy the crisp, 40 degree air!

The best part about the cabin: moss! Yep, I have already taken over 2 dozen moss photos with three different cameras. Once I work out how to transfer the photos from two of the cameras, I shall post them for your viewing pleasure!

I want to shout to the world that I shall NEVER again drive to Pennsylvania on a Friday. Even being with B and G and their children is not enough to assuage the arduous journey that it took to get here to their family cabin in the Poconos. I mean, really, a 2 and 1/2 hour trip took over 4 hours because of HORRIBLE traffic. UGH!

I was grumpy and starving by the time I got to her house and feel as if I practically shoved them into the car after we finished dinner. I wanted to get here and be done with all of this traveling!

The extra driving is absolutely worth it...just not coupled with Friday traffic.

To enter the cabin, though, there are many, many steps. Since it is built on a slope, the main floor is actually the second one. My bags and bags and bags of luggage only arrived in the cabin because of the grace of B and G. Two times up the stairs were enough for me. My MS weakened muscles greatly protest the laborious climb.

I am glad to be here and look forward to much, much rest!

~~~~
NOTE: Late Thursday evening, Kashi butted my hand with his head to get me to pet him. However, when I did so, he bit me. One of his canine teeth went all the way through the top joint of my left pinkie finger. I was begging him to let go and all he could do is look at me with this very confused expression. By the time he did, I was a bit faint from pain and horse from hollering at him. I poured alcohol and then hydrogen peroxide over the wound to clean it. Then I applied antibiotic ointment and slapped on a cushioned bandaid. My finger is quite painful and swollen. I am keeping my fingers crossed that my finger will heal without professional medical intervention. The vet thinks Kashi is showing signs of dementia due to his old age. I know he was sorry. After all, I was only petting him because he wanted me to do so. He certainly gave poor thanks for my affectionate attention!

I had a second interview today. I am still confused as how to most accurately assess the interaction.

We talked for just over 3 hours, although the latter 45 minutes was a discussion about our trips to Italy. I did learn that she is exacting and tough, with a clear vision of what she wants to accomplish in her department. However, I also learned that she is creative and has a touch of whimsy (one night she painted the walls of the cubicle enclave purple to boost morale--she went on to decorate the area with a world travel theme and then tackled four other offices).

Early this afternoon, I had a meeting with a sponsor. The meeting went quite well and gave me pause as to pursuing this new job opportunity. I mean, I know that my current situation is nearly an impossible one in which to achieve victory or professional development. I know that. However, today I had this glimpse of how I might possibly some day effect a significant change that would better the agency and, thus, better the lives of children and families in our area.

I really was having second and third and possibly fourth thoughts about the interview. And then I talked with her again at length. I know that this would be the first job where I was challenged to work to my potential. I would be working with someone who is a complete match when it comes to work and communications philosophies. I would also be working with someone who enjoys laughter and recognizes the importance of work/life balance.

I want this job. I am still not sure about the possibility of actually landing it. But I do want this job.

Oh, am I miserable!

I worked for 11 hours straight today, ten of them on my feet. ARGH!


The expo went exceedingly well, though I do need to admit to "two learning curves."

The desk top theme was well-received. My Tips, Tools & Resources fact sheets were popular, and many people asked if they could dissiminate them to their own audiences (a great opportunity to spread our brand and position us as a resource agency). Our key chain flashlights were a popular giveaway. And the additional information on other workshops was helpful to many of the attendees.

We did have many requests for separate information about our respite program. Unfortunately, I did not think to bring this material. I had a combined fact sheet and thought that sufficient. I also forgot my own business cards. I had not thought them necessary, since the attendees were people who would be contracting with us and, thus, interacting with others in our agency than I. However, since so many people wanted to use my fact sheets on parenting, I could have passed out my cards so folks could email me to get the PDF versions.

Still, the event went well. Our table had solid traffic. Our brand was certainly visible, given that we were quite near the door. And one component of my communications plan (having internal collateral that also serves external needs) came to fruition rather splendidly.

It is just that my feet are killing me, and my arthritis is making it too hard to fall asleep again. I wish to go to sleep, to rest up for yet another meeting tomorrow, but I am lying in the green chair hoping an extra dose of Ibuprofen in addition to Celebrex might help enough to allow me to go to bed. Friday cannot come soon enough.

Then, even if I am still tired, I will be tired in a cabin in the Poconos with B, playing games, watching movies, taking photos, and enjoying the beauty God created in this world.

I taught the workshop on multicultural literature again tonight. This time there were more folk, more questions, and lots of discussion. I truly enjoyed teaching and the exchange that comes in workshop settings.

I did have a bit of trouble finding the right room, trouble that ended up in an asthma attack since I had to drag over 100 books up to the third floor only to cart them back down to the second floor and across the building. The directions I had were somewhat inadequate.

Having left my inhalers in the car, I ended up jamming the Epipen into my thigh in the hopes that I might recover enough to teach. Although I was trembling from the drug for the first hour, I did manage to go on to my workshop.

By the time it was over and I arrived back home, I was ready for a month's rest, but tomorrow is the big expo. I have to get up at 5:30 AM (I know...you're laughing because you don't think that is even possible for me).

Despite the fatigue, I spent some time thinking about the books I shared and our conversation. We talked about history and race and ethics. In exploring such, the attendees learned about more than just books and were thankful for the experience. The person in charge of training does not think much of my idea of offering workshops for the foster parents. Yet I have seen, twice now, parents completely engaged in the topic and in the learning process. How could that not be a very good thing?

I miss teaching. I really do.

I spent another weekend reading. I only plowed through 6 books, but I did managed to draft a few more pages for one of mine.

My writing student reminded me that I am being rather neglectful of my own words. I have written so much at my job, often either without notice or with dismissal. I had not realized that I had shut down at home as a result. Whether or not my dream for those words ever comes to fruition, I am refreshed and revitalized when I have taken the time to given into the muse that visits when my fingers touch the keyboard with the intent to craft tale of the characters that reside in my head.

May I be ever mindful of her reproach this trip around the sun and give the gift of words to myself at least as much as I do to my job...

I feel as if I shall collapse beneath the burden of that nomination.

It is mailed. There is nothing that I can do now. I have written and rewritten each and every word what seems like thousands of times, but is more probably a dozen or two. I can hope that I honored this most deserving family with my words, but I fear that I did not work within the space limitations as best as I could. I needed more time, much more time, to really do them justice.

It was very difficult to hand that envelope over to the mail clerk behind the counter. I wanted to do more, so much more than I had.

However, I must remind myself that this is another opportunity to trust in God's sovereignty. He knows this family. He knows their needs. I was either His vessel or someone else will be... in His perfect timing, His perfect plan...not mine.

The family is amazing. I cannot really put into words all that I am feeling at the minute, but I can say that they are truly deserving and could stand shoulder-to-shoulder with the other families ABC has honored.

Mom and Dad are 58 and on their second turn at raising children, this time foster children. They have adopted 4 and have 1 permanent-placement foster child. These are the ones they have kept. They also have sheltered over 50 other foster children in the past 22 years. Why is that special? Well, all five of their second-turn children have medical disabilities, some of them profound. Yet, these children are being raised in a family where they are loved and accepted and "normal" compared to their siblings. They are in a diverse neighborhood that embraces their differences and treats them like any other child.

Mom and Dad encourage the children to be as active as possible, giving no thought to ideas that being disabled might be a barrier to the activities they wish to pursue. They attend all the games, recitals, and gatherings of their children's hobbies. They also attend every medical appoint and therapy session of all of their children. From every aspect of their care, Mom and Dad are deeply involved. One example is the sacrifices they make so that the oldest can participate in a wheelchair basketball league that has tournaments all over the country.

Mom runs the local chapter of a Spina Bifida support group, volunteers at Children's Hospital, advocates for public accessibility in various venues (panels, boards, etc.), and supports parents with disabled children all over the nation. Mom and Dad also run (along with her husband) a medical equipment exchange closet so that families can have what they need to care for their children.

Their house is not set up for handicapped children, nor is it anywhere near the right size for a family of seven. Still, they manage to eat together most every evening and make do with what they have without complaining. When their first four children join the fray, the home feels more like a can of sardines, yet they are as committed to their new siblings as are their parents. It is a family that focuses on what they have rather than what they do not.

I was truly humbled by interviewing them today. They could not understand why we wanted to nominate them. Mom and Dad see themselves as just doing what needs to be done. I am quite worried that I will let them down by not truly conveying the magnitude of their sacrifice, their commitment, their love, and their needs in the brief format ABC allows for nominations.

I am praying that I can honor their work in mine.

I printed every minute that I was in the office today and all yesterday afternoon (once our weekly unit meeting was completed).

I am trying very, very hard to have everything ready for the expo next Wednesday by this Friday. I don't want to be scrambling around next week. Monday will surely have some important task needing doing that people forgot about, and Tuesday evening will be filled by the unit meeting and my teaching the second workshop on Multicultural Literature. Wednesday, I have to have the display set up by 8:00 AM. So, for me, Friday is my deadline for getting everything done.

However, I just found out that I need to put together a submission to ABC's Extreme Home Makeover Edition for one of our families. I need a killer essay, a compelling video, great photos, and a 20-page (I am hoping much of it is legal-ease) detailed application in less than 48-hours.

But what about my printing? I want to scream...

The frustration of this day was alleviated somewhat by working with my writing student on her scholarship essays and by playing B in Scrabble.

K had another round of applications in which she had to create the most creative and compelling answer to sometimes uninteresting questions in 500 words or less. In working with such constraints, I encourage writers to first draft the answer that they would like to give, heedless of word count. Then, the real writing begins as you have to start removing words in such a way that your answer is actually enhanced as you fit it to the word limit. We had just a great time finding 96 words to eliminate from her essay when 5,000 words would not even have been sufficient to telling the remarkable tale of her grandfather and her Italian ancestors. You remove words that then requires you to add more. You go up and down, up and down, trying to get to that perfect essay. I tend to check the word count a bit obsessively during the process, but K does not mind. A writer at heart, she understand the thrill of the challenge and does not begrudge my constant monitoring of the amount of ground gained.

As for the Scrabble of late in my life, would it be bragging to post to the world that I got a 140-point Scrabble word? It was "germiest," played on two triple-word spots. It was a great moment for me. I have had bingos popping into my letter selection quite often of late. I am enjoying the ride, but B is not so happy with my winning streak. I know it won't last, so I am trying to savor every moment without alienating my dearest B.

~~~~
Note: Someone called me to let me know that my references were being checked...

How could I have forgotten how very much I enjoy Earl Grey tea? Really, how?

I practically lived off the stuff while pursuing my Ph.D. in Columbus, Ohio, and not just because those were the coldest winters I had experienced thus far. After a professor served me my first cup, I drank it by the gallon, with cream and honey.

Someone gave me Black Raspberry tea. Then I think I got some Black Vanilla tea. Then it was Black Vanilla Maple. When that was no longer available, I found Black Vanilla Carmel tea, which I have had in my house of late.

However, while digging through my tea shelf hoping to find a stray bit of chocolate (I store the special stuff on that same shelf), I found some Earl Grey and prepared a cup on a whim. Oh, my, that first sip was like greeting a long lost friend! I just so enjoy that taste. I enjoy it scalding hot and even cold. It just does it for me, something I can truly savor from first sip to the last.

How could I have forgotten that?

I got roped into doing work for another department because that department fired the only person who can do design work without having a back up plan. I became their back up. I don't get paid extra for the extra work. No thought was given to how my own work would need to be set aside. And my doing so has caused a brouhaha between the VPs. I save the day by getting the 8-page agency newsletter done but no real thanks...just conflict when people (who shouldn't be) are reviewing my time sheet and complain about my hours in a different department. I am asked to do the work, but I am criticized for doing so.

In fact, I am so much criticized that I have to submit a job description for the senior VP to review. Me, a new employee, and I have to write my own job description. On top of that, I am instructed to leave off all the administrative work that I have been doing since the admin person was never replaced. "They" would be angry if they knew I was doing it. That doesn't make sense to me since "they" are the ones keeping the position open.

I cannot outsource the regular 1,000 piece mailings, but neither am I to do the work myself? I have to do the work, but essentially lie about doing it?

Crazy, eh?

~~~~
NOTE: Even after several hours of reflection, I still cannot decide if the interview went well or not. My skills are great. My experience a boon. She would have to figure out how to fit me into the budget and could not hire me any time soon because she will be training the other person.

I have fallen into a poor habit of reading late into the evening, even on work nights. I suspect that it is because I have been hiding in books lately. In fact, I spent the past two days reading eight of them.

I did nothing else but read. Kashi curled up beside the couch, while Fancy joined me. Two whole days of reading one book, getting up to fetch another one, and then settling back down on the couch.

I can get lost for hours at a time, living the lives of the characters I encounter, reveling in the world around them, testing limits. facing dilemmas, battling evil, fighting for good, helping others, studying truth...doing something that matters...in that world.

I found a job listing back in affordable housing doing exactly what I was before, a job where my diverse skill set would actually be an asset instead of something that sets people against me.

[Why is being multi-talented such a bad thing?]

I took nearly two weeks to gather my courage to apply.

[I have had too much rejection in the past two years.]

Some time after midnight, I sent off my cover letter, resume, and link to my online portfolio. When I awoke this morning, I found an email from the company asking me to call. I did, had a phone interview, and then was asked to come in for a second interview on Monday.

I am not crossing my fingers, though, about this job. I am trying not to hope because the hiring manager literally told me that she had been looking for someone just like me for months, that she despaired of finding one, and just extended an offer for a junior communications person as a part of a plan to parcel out the workload of the communications manager she needed. Still, she did ask me to interview in person.

I keep telling myself that if the Lord would like for me to escape my present job (and it would be an escape), then He will provide a means to do so.

Still...the thought of getting back to doing a job where I actually am allowed to do that job...ah the longing!