Were I completely honest I would admit that I am feeling utterly and completely lost.

I am ever so discouraged at how futile my job hunt has gone when I know I have much to offer an employer. I stayed up into 3:45 this morning searching job websites and took up the search again at 11:30 and have only now finished wading through over two thousand job listings in communications across the United States. I found little besides what I have already applied for even when broadening my geographic location. There were some new ones, but Seattle, New York, Chicago, and Boston are not places you could live on a communications manager salary.

I was in tears last night and again this morning. I also spent time searching for a small town were I could afford to buy a home based on the equity in my house where I could find a nothing job. I couldn't find a town where I could also find job listings and that wasn't in a hot climate.

I feel as if I have no home, no place where I belong...but more devastatingly so, I feel as if there is no place for me to go.

I am barging in on the P_'s home improvement project again in just a few hours. More drywall awaits hanging. More sweating up a storm and losing my fears and hurt in someone else's labor. I would camp over there and tape and float all on my own for as many days as it took if they would let me.

Of course, I could venture out in my yard and finish digging up the stepping stone if I only wished for labor. It is just that it hurts to work on my yard because I wonder how much longer it will be mine.

I am a bit worried that I will not be able to paint a cheerful face on in time to head over to the P_'s house. Even though my help has made the project move along at a faster pace, I am sure that neither G_ nor K_ would want my sorrows dripping all over the drywall.

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My only bright spot of this day thus far has been reading my writing student K_'s college application essay. It was stunningly beautiful, oh so creative. In just over 500 words, she paints a portrait of herself as a musician, as a writer, and as a young woman. Once she tightens it up a few words to get back to the maximum 500, those professors will have the chance to glimpse the talent she wields and the scholar she will become.