I had a conference call with my boss and a potential partner for this school I have been tasked with getting adopted sitting outside on a park bench. It is at times like these that I find it easy to set aside the things that frustrate me at work for the joy of my "office."

Walking back to the car, I spotted this pine cone and whipped out my small camera to capture the memory of this day.

I tried very hard to have the sap in better focus, but I had just a few moments to snap the photograph. Still, I think it not that bad for a reminder to be thankful...

Thankful for a job. Thankful for a short commute. Thankful for the opportunity to work outdoors. Thankful for the majesty of God's magnificent creation. Thankful for a bible study where I can hear the Truth.

Sometimes, Pastor D will say something so simple, so familiar in a manner that takes my breath away...literally and spiritually.

What is the ultimate message of the cross? I am worth the life of the Son of God. I, me, am worth the life of the Son of God.

Pastor D talks about his initial role in confirmation class: to crush the self-esteem of his students. If they do not understand that apart from Christ they are wretched, sinful people, then the rest of the classes are completely useless.

Post-modern thinking teaches that at the core of humanity is essentially a good person. Christians believe otherwise. Peal away the hidden layers of our hearts and you will find a very dark place indeed, one filled with sin and ultimate death.

So, there I was, only-half listening to the bible study thinking about how angry mother was that I came after working all day (she frolicked about the Smithsonian museums while I toiled away). I thought about all the times I visited over the holidays while in college and graduate school, begging her to take just one day off and she refused. Here, I did not truly want her to visit because I feel so fragile and am fearful of being able to deflect her abusive posturing and yet I am taking two precious days off just to be with her.

And then those words permeated my frustration: I am worth the life of the Son of God. What else can matter beside that fact? How can I feel bad about myself or my circumstances or my life? That is my worth.

I have heard that Christ died for me. I have told others the same. Pastor D's comment is essentially the same Truth, but the words spoke so very loudly to me in that moment, as if I were hearing the message the first time. If you were to put a price tag on my life, it would not be $50,000 (the cost of my "free" life insurance policy at work) or a few hundred thousand (the value of my organs were they sold on the black market) or a million dollars (perhaps my ransom were I important to society). No, in Truth, my life is worth the life of the Son of God, of Jesus Christ.

Then there was a line he read a few moments later, when I was still reeling from the weight of the value of my life, that completely wiped away all thoughts of how much longer my mother would surely try to make me pay for attending bible study.

"While the church and her ministers face persecution in this world and labor with much weakness, Christ will see to the victory of the Gospel."

What a wonderful, freeing Truth!

My witness is so very weak, and yet it is a witness. I need not be strong. I need only to walk in faith, even if that walk be more often on my knees than on my feet. He will see to the victory. I need not give it another thought.

We are happily beginning a study on the pastoral epistles--my suggestion when he asked what we would like to study next after finishing a multi-year study of Isaiah because I revel in the meaty, scholarly teaching Pastor D shares with us all. It is God's perfect timing that we are beginning now, this day, when my mother is here and I had to make a choice to either placate her selfish whims or take the time to worship, to savor His Word, and fellowship with those who walk with Christ.

After work, I listened to her rattle on about her time at the museums whilst gulping down some yogurt. She finally noted that I was going to be late. I gathered my things and then headed toward the door. Just two steps from departure, she mutters that she thought I was going to have chili for dinner and she had been waiting for me. But, oh, no, don't worry about her. She will manage something.

In three minutes flat, I had the chili dumped in a bowl, topped with grated white cheddar cheese, heated up, and served on the table with a serving of vegetable tortilla strips and some Gatorade.

Then, I walked out the door, wondering if I should really be taking the time to go. However, having gone, I know that time was certainly well spent.

I spoke with B's husband G on the way home and learned that he found an historic photo of an antique train signal that I gave him for his birthday (a most wonderful gift that about near gave me an apocalyptic fit in keeping secret until he opened the package) in the paper today. I was bubbling with the joy of Christ and the excitement of his felicitous find when I walked into my home to discover a simmering mother.

She was angry because Kashi appeared upset while I was gone. [I did miss him. I find that I think of him often, knowing that my time with this canine bundle of joy is shortening. While much of my couch sitting is because I am so very tired working full time in this compromised body, a wee percent of my desire to stay home is to revel in the companionship he offers me.] Of course, she keeps playing with him when I am not in sight, even though he is under strict orders of no playing, jumping, running, or stairs for another 3 weeks to keep from damaging his newly reconstructed, $2,600 bionic knee. I have kept from yelling at her to stop, but even my most firm tone is silent in her ears. Poor Kashi is most likely feeling much pain in his knee from all the activity.

I tried to tell her about the gift and the photo and the great beginning to the bible study, but she was not interested.

Her anger pales in comparison to the Truth that my life is worth the life of the Son of God who is mighty and creative and intelligent enough to create a complex world full of beauty and wonder and pine cones and loving enough to die a most agonizingly painful, humiliating death for me so that I might spend eternity with Him.

Though, I must admit, I did exhale a rather gusty sigh at the thought of just how long it might be before she moves on from the choice I made tonight.

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NOTE: Kashi did greet me with most enthusiastic kisses. I guess he was missing me, too