Everywhere I look...

When I was in graduate school, I learned the word ubiquitous.  And, as is wont to happen, that very word became ubiquitous.  Not really, I suppose.  But over the years I have found that when you learn a new word, really learn it, that word seems to start popping up in text everywhere.

My working theory behind this is that we are becoming more and more lazy as readers.  By this I mean that with the decline in emphasis on building a strong vocabulary, with the dumbing down of the reading level of all public texts (like a 4th grade reading level as a guideline for the newspapers adults read), we glean more and more of our meaning from context, skipping over unknown words without thought or guilt.  It is not that the word you learned is coincidentally being used by writers the world over right after you learn it.  It is that you never noticed the word until you actually learned the meaning.  It was not important to you.

My theory began when I started my own word book about a decade ago...after receiving my doctorate.  I was reading along and realized there were several words that I did not know, did not have a clue as to meaning.  I decided to tackle this problem.  So, now, as I read, I write down words I do not really know.  Afterward, I look up the meaning of the words and write them down in a blank book I chose for the process.  I learned over 1,000 words in a relatively short period of time. I was stunned by how much word-skipping I was doing.  Stunned and humbled and have striven to keep up the habit of noting and learning new words.

[Would that it were that doing so were not so difficult these days....]

Anyway, well, I am wondering about the ubiquity of a certain topic in the news of late.  To me, it seems that I cannot go long without stumbling upon an article of some kind about sexual abuse, particularly that of children.

I have not publicly said so, but I fled Facebook, in large part, because of the breaking news at Penn State last Fall.  I couldn't bear the omnipresent topic, nor could I stomach the seemingly trite observations about sexual abuse that followed.  In my experience, if you try to have a serious conversation, people become uncomfortable. In my experience, the topic is best kept at a distance, where one can opine on the matter.  However, pontificating about what a shame it is that such happened and how abuse victims can always find a safe place in the church, how they need only to speak out and they will get help...hurts...me.  That is not the way the world works.  Speaking out does not always garner help...not as a child, nor as an adult.

Article after article after article appeared before my eyes.  I fled Facebook.  I eschewed the Internet.  I avoided the news...especially after the recent slaying of a child here in Fort Wayne.  Yet the articles keep appearing...how child abuse costs the victim more money over a lifetime than those who are not abused, how more children are hurt by child abuse than SIDS (I could have written that one with my eyes closed), how adult survivors are affected by news stories such as Penn State and then the Citadel, how 1 in 5 women are sexually abused, how sexually abused children are more likely to face mental illness as an adult (well, duh!), a teacher here...a principal there...two teachers even, the prevalence of severe child abuse, the recent rise in child abuse being tied to the economic downturn, and dozens of charges of sexual abuse in towns that I think might never have appeared on the national news level...save for Penn State.

To me, it feels merely like the topic of the moment, rather than a turning of the national mind that has long ignored the fact that children are not safe in America.  Abused children rarely find a safe haven.  Those removed from their home (something that is generally much harder than it should be, even in egregious cases) are oft placed in the foster care system, a place rife with abuse and lacking funds necessary to ensure that abused children get the counseling and support that they need.  The brave ones who speak out can find that schools, churches, communities actually prefer the silence.  It cannot possibly happen in our back yard.


I personally know of an abused child placed in a foster family who ended up raping his foster sister.  When he was finally removed (the social workers tried to deal with the problem in-house rather than follow the law and report the incident), he admitted to his new social worker that his foster mom had been sexually abusing him for the past two years.  A good family in a good neighborhood in an affluent county weekly monitored by a social worker and a foster care organization.

It happens in our back yards.


A while ago, I wrote, for me, a rather blistering blog entry on hunger.  Where is the outrage that the rate of children living in food insecure homes has drastically risen during the recession, from 1 in 10 to 1 in 4? Who thinks about the millions of children who gain their primary nutrition from the free breakfast and lunch program going without that food for the entire summer?  Hungry children are all around you.  Everywhere.

So are men, women, and children who are either being abuse or who have been abused.

A while ago, I was rather daring.  Back when I was on Facebook, I posted a link to this video (sadly, I do not have it since I am on computer no. 4 since that time, I believe) that a friend sent me.  It is an unflinching look at adult survivors of child sexual abuse by a Catholic priest.  It is not a diatribe against the Catholic church, thought the cover-up and denial in his case is appalling--especially since he was ultimately relocated to Ireland, living near a school. Rather it is a haunting look at how childhood sexual abuse affects the adult and a rather disturbing first-person portrait of an abuser.  He smiles at the end.  He really sees the whole thing as merely an expression of love.

One of the seemingly unbelievable aspects is that he abused both the daughter and the mother of a family who took him in as a single priest. How could that possibly happen, you ask.  All to easily is the answer.

Frankly, I thought the video was a valuable window into the world of childhood sexual abuse for those whom have never experienced it.  And...for those who have and who wonder why, wonder how, a man could possibly do what he does to a child. Because of this, I wrote a rather passionate plea for folks to take the time to watch the video.

No comments.
No response.
Silence.

That is why, in large part, sexual abuse is still an egregious perfidy being committed daily against thousands upon thousands of children in our country.  Silence.  Even in the best homes, the best schools (both public and private), the best churches, the best youth programs, the best summer camps, the best colleges and universities, etc.  Pedophiles are no respecter of age, race, gender, socio-economic status, or location.

Everywhere.

And everywhere there is silence, of one type or another.  We are to care for our neighbors.  But I have found that with this issue, the popular response is to leave such care to professionals, if counseling is even an option.  Do not get me wrong.  Do not mistake my words.  Counseling is important, is necessary.  You do not just get over it. But counseling is not all the one wounded in such a manner needs.  Neighbors willing to help.  Neighbors willing to listen.  Neighbors who will not try to fix you, but rather show you mercy and give you grace as you move through your pain, as you bear the burden of your wounds.  Ah, but there's the rub.  Remember what I wrote about how we story to process our lives, our losses, our griefs?  And remember how I said that I believe the difficulty in listening to hard things is our tendency to want to put ourselves in the story as we listen?

Well, who wants to be in a story of sexual abuse?


Lord, have mercy.  Christ, have mercy.  Lord, have mercy.