Nervous Nelly...

So, today, I was social.  The best thing you can say is that I vocally vomited bits of the Book of Concord all over my "guest."  SIGH.

Michelle wanted me to meet a friend of hers and I wanted to meet him, but then I didn't.  I really don't.  I want to not meet anyone ever again.  I want someone anyone new in my life to already have met me.  Yes, I haven't figure out how that could happen.  But I don't want to be social.  Ever.

Given that my definition of selfish is somewhat skewed (something I know but cannot really see myself), I felt incredibly selfish about the evening.  I chose everything for myself.  I had said she could pick whatever she wanted from the recipe rememberer blog, but she didn't.  So I did.

I chose Red Lentil Dahl, because it was the one thing I could cook fresh without having to dip into next month's budget.  I had a single onion left and everything else on hand.  Although, I will say it is getting increasingly difficult to use my bottles of stock because I now have just three left.  I asked Michelle to fetch a cauliflower, in part because that would be a proper sort of vegetable to serve with the dahl, but in part because I have been hankering to try and better the Smoky Roasted Cauliflower recipe.  I wrote it up how I thought it should be adjusted, but I actually had not tested it yet.  I must say, it was much, much, much tastier the second time round.  I definitely will be having this regularly.  The key, as I wrote on the recipe (which I updated a bit more), is the higher heat AND being very generous in the seasoning.  I was certain I had too much salt, by individually salting each floret, but it worked beautifully.

Because I really am trying to make it through March with ... ideally ... spending no more than $50 on groceries, I was very, very selfish and only thawed out a single Naan dough ball per person. I chose two of the largest balls and took the smallest for myself.  I felt smitten by my own selfishness when Michelle wanted more naan.  SIGH.  I should definitely have thawed out five, being prepared for my guests to have extra naan, because who wouldn't want extra naan???

For dessert, I chose the Peanut Peanut Butter Cookies, since I had two containers of dough left over from my measuring debacle at Sandra's birthday dinner.  Instead of offering them any of the current eight dessert options that are in my freezer, I was trying to have the whole dinner fresh made ... or at least fresh cooked with regard to the bread and dessert.  Besides, Michelle had never tasted the properly cooked peanut peanut butter cookies.  Last time I overcooked them and they were too hard. If cooked properly, they are crispy on the outside as you bite into them and then melt away in your mouth.  Simply sublime.

The other reason I chose the meal I did is that you can get everything to cooking and then very easily clean up the few dishes you made.  That way, after dinner, there are just a few things to hand wash, while the cups and plates and such can go into the dishwasher.  I literally spent less than five minutes cleaning up tonight.

So, I spent the day bemoaning how much I did not want to be social.  I planned a meal that would be easiest for me and cheapest to prepare. And I very slowly, resting in between tasks, readied the house, myself, the table, and then the meal.  Is that not selfishness??

I dusted and vacuumed the first floor. I had wanted to mop the kitchen floor, but I had to perform emergency surgery on my new Dyson.  Having successfully done so, I am even more in love with my new Dyson, because I was able to access every bit of the hose (including all the places it bends and turns) and completely take apart the offending piece (the hard part of the hose attachment).  After shining a light into one end, I was able to determine there was, indeed, a blockage in that part of the vacuum.  So, I took apart my Swiffer so that I could use the thin metal of the handle as a rod to insert into the hose attachment and knock loose what turned out to be a piece of plaster I must have sucked up when I was getting the basement ready for Michelle to come all those weeks ago.  About three inches of dust was compacted behind it.

I will note that I took out both filters and washed them before I figured out that I needed to preform the emergency surgery.  Even though my Southern genes were horrified at my decision, I left the two filters on the kitchen grate instead of tucking them away out of sight.  I needed them to dry before I forgot about them and used the vacuum again without putting them back.  Yes, I had a guest in my kitchen with vacuum filters drying on the grate in the floor.  GASP.

After the surgery was complete, I cleaned the half bathroom (which did not get used), fed Amos, watered the plants in the solarium (so I wouldn't worry about forgetting them later in my post social activity anxiety phase), baked the cookies, and got myself ready (i.e., put on clothes other than men's lounge pants and a hoodie, brushed my hair, powdered my face, and put on tinted lip gloss—my attempt at taking pride in my appearance instead of just wallowing in my constant exhaustion).

Next was to set the table, which involved opening the new candles I bought for the candlesticks since I had to co-opt candlesticks from another room for my Thanksgiving), and then un-setting the table once I realized that it was past time to do a round of Murphy's Oil Soap on the table top.  After it was set for a second time, I prepped dinner and get it started.  Michelle was gracious enough to not get offended over my decline of her help.  I wanted to be the only one cooking so I had no time for a single thought ... or pre-dinner social activity.

While I actually served dinner 15 minutes past time I had planned, for the very first time in my entire existence, I got everything to be ready at the right time!  Yes, I actually did!!  I timed the cauliflower just right and had the naan ready to go.  I was a bit late because I forget just how long it takes to get the griddle pan hot enough for the first piece of naan.  The rest cooked in just a couple minutes each.

The problem started after the blessing was said.  I started talking and never really stopped.  I was soooooooooooo nervous!  I even brought over both my laptop (to show the Book of Concord Snippets Blog) and my own copy of the Book of Concord.  SIGH.  Yes, I am still embarrassed.

Seriously, I never want to meet another person again.
Period.
I can offer a good meal, but am horrible at being a gracious host at the dinner table.

I will say that I awoke to a text from Electrician Man offering a barter for lunch since he was working in the neighborhood.  I really like bartering.  He brought me a junior bacon cheeseburger (no tomatoes with extra mustard) and I traded him Dr Pepper and dessert.  He caught me up on his family. I rehearsed what I learned in my catechesis lesson.  And Amos got to have a bit of non-Myrtle company.  He's far more social than I am ... if he considers you to be a safe person.

I will not discuss the look on Electrician Man's face when I told him I was having a guest for dinner.  Just because you are aware of how much I exactly fail at being social doesn't mean you need to remind me!  Especially if you are shoving Double Chocolate Dr Pepper Cake into your mouth at the time.  Despite his behavior, I sent Ben home with tasty treats for his lovely bride and cherubs.  Personally, I think his bride needs lots of treats for putting up with his proclivity toward rapscallion behavior.  I chose the Peanut Butter Honey Truffles since I believe they are great treats to offer kids, and what mom wouldn't want a healthy alternative for her kids???

I shudder at the thought of all that Book of Concord talk and another recap of almost all that I learned in catechesis.  I'm fairly certain Michelle's friend might need his hearing checked now.  I think the only good thing I did socially was that I managed to look her friend in the eyes at time.  Celia's husband was gracious about it, but back when they visited, I spent the whole time with my eyes downcast in shame/embarrassment/anxiety/awkwardness.  On that visit, I had diapers to change.  Diaper changing is oh, so socially soothing.  You can be a great host and have no social interaction at the same time!!

In case you were wondering, Michelle has a very kind, gracious, and merciful friend.


I am Yours, Lord.  Save me!