Thursday night a storm pushed through, leaving me writhing in bed. I hurt so much that I couldn't sleep, as tired as I was. I also finally had to admit how much the spasticity in my legs has been causing a problem. Perhaps it was that I am having trouble walking. Perhaps it was just my fatigue. Whatever the case, I couldn't escape either the pain or the knowledge that perhaps there is more than one piper who needs paying.

I tossed and turned, curling around my body pillow trying to ignore the pain, knowing that once the front was through I would feel better. But as I lay there, I started thinking about how much my legs hurt when they were bent. I don't lie with them straight because doing so hurts. But now having them bent increased the cramping in my hamstrings and calves and made the spasticity worse.

I should be stretching. I should be working at lengthening the muscles in the back of my legs. I am, however, a wimp. I cannot sit with my legs out in front of me without tears leaking from my eyes. I cannot attempt to bend over in that position without much grunting and whimpering. Doing so is simply too painful.

I don't have anyone to challenge me, to encourage me to push through the pain. I know that if I would do so each day, then I would hurt less...eventually. Kashi gets upset whenever I am upset, so he dances around me and keeps me from stretching. I use him as an excuse to stop. Weeks go by before I try again.

But I cannot stop thinking about how much tighter and more painful my legs have become.

I tried stretching today.

It is confirmed: I am a wimp.