I awoke this day in tears. It was not, however, because of the news of my job which has been laying heavy on my heart.

Thursday morning, I forgot to take my medicine. Yesterday, I could hardly put two thoughts together unless I was focused clearly on a task. Thus, this was the third day without my arthritis medicine. I was in so much pain that I could barely make it to the bathroom to swallow the pills. After also taking a pain killer that is not the best decision to couple with Celebrex, I stumbled back to bed to wait it out.

A couple of hours later, I thought I could bear this day. At least physically...

I was supposed to help my writing student's mother sand and paint her shutters. I had planned to call her and tell her to set the children to sanding them and that I would help her paint them next Saturday. I wanted to rest and to...well...wallow. But before I could call her, she called me. She called me to say that they were going to leave the shutters for later and
planned on cleaning out their rather messy garage.

You know how I feel about organization!

I couldn't help myself. I made my way over to participate in the process. Shortly there after, I press for her to take the three kids who didn't want to be there to that which they had planned to, assuring her that I would stay and marshal the remaining folks into much productivity.

Really, her husband seems to barely tolerate my "home improvement plans" for their home at times, but I hope that he wanted me there plowing ahead. I chivvied him into throwing out some of the things that he had accumulated, pieces of wires and such, made a few suggestions as to carpentry adjustments he could make to their organization systems, swept much sawdust, and cleaned out a few shelves and boxes.

At one point, I was trying to reach something and stood on my tiptoes without thinking. While I could not really do so, the attempt sent sharp pain through my lower left leg. I wondered if perhaps I had pulled the fracture back apart. A short while later, I tripped over a broom that had been left lying on the floor.

Was I crazy for sweating for hours in their garage? While I really like this family and would do anything for them, all that work was really for me. I felt rather blessed to have such labor in which to drown my turmoil.

I vacillate between being angry at having my investment at work abandoned, fearing for my financial responsibilities, being overwhelmed for all that I have to think about, and feeling like a failure.

For a few hours today, I had a respite from all that. What more could I want?

I came home, sluiced off the dirt and grime, popped another pain killer, and tried to read a book. I keep turning the pages, but I don't really know what I am reading. I think I shall try to sleep...so I can start tomorrow anew.