I do not know how I will spend nine more days at a place where I am neither respected or my work valued. I was an utter fool to think that working nights and weekends, that juggling four different responsibilities, that being more efficient than much of the rest of the staff...that anything I did would matter. If ever I thought that this organization cared about its staff, I have been thoroughly disabused of that notion.

I should be glad. I have been increasingly uncomfortable with struggling to not be a part of the messaging that was not based on the truth. My boss kept telling me that things were going to change. That the restructuring would bring about greater intellectual honesty and those staff who have rested more on laurels past than on current achievements would not remain. Boy, was I a fool!

You know, I believe quite strongly that if you take money for youth development, then you should be held to a high ethical standard on delivering what you promise. It seems, however, that those who point out what is not taking place are the ones who are punished. Those who just plain don't show up for work are rewarded. Those who continue to do was they want regardless of corporate policies are promoted.

Do I sound frustrated? Bitter? I hope not the latter, but I am so angry and hurt that it is difficult to see much else but how ethics and honesty lose and deception and laziness wins.

How can I find a place to work where ethics and honesty wins? Where hard work is valued? For someone who is supposed to be smart and talented, I feel stupid and such a failure.