What an incredible nurse Amos has been! Seriously, he has been gentle with my person and quite attentive to giving comfort and letting me know of his presence (resting his head on my shoulder and giving my cheek a lick every now and then).
But even puppy dog nurses need a break every now and then! Isn't it just weird how he can stretch himself out? Look at his back leg! It appears twice a long as it actually is. I just adore my little fluff-ball.
I do not think that I wrote about one odd symptom I have been having. When I close my eyes, a veritable light show takes place. It almost looks like a screen saver on a monitor. The constant moving and evolving light/shapes makes falling asleep difficult, but I have been talking myself through it, telling myself that I will be okay and that Amos is right beside me.
I know that sounds silly. But so much of what I read talked about how the mind can drive the body in Xanax withdrawal. And if you go on just about any Xanax or bentos withdrawal forum, you will see positive supportive comments, ones encouraging any step forward in reducing the use of Xanax and moving toward healing from the damage to your body. No recriminations. No tongue-lashings. Just support and pride and encouragement and hope that each day past is another day toward a future that is benzodiazepine free. Considering just how mean the Internet usually is now, I find that remarkable. So, all those positive words are floating in my brain and, to be honest, helped me not go back to the full dose after the first evening.
I am still having these shooting pains and my joints ache, but acetaminophen really helps to blunt the stabbing pain. I have had a constant, dull headache since the migraine ended. That I am struggling with most, I think, even more so than the weird light show going on behind my eyelids. Anything and everything is making my head ache, including my hair. So, I have it down and free and look like a shaggy dog. Too bad I don't have Amos' curls.
Last night, I thought about asking the surgeon to switch my prescription from .5 mg pills to .25 mg pills when I see her on the 7th. She gave me a refill back when I first saw her, because I used to only take Xanax periodically, when, we now know, the hormone surges during ovulation would send me over the edge. But after the pit bull attack and when the PTSD was so bad, I asked my old GP to take Xanax full time. I did not know what I was asking and even though she said it would be hard, if not impossible, for me to get off the medication due to my sensitivity to drugs, she agreed. Now, I honestly wished she gave me other options for anxiety medication. Water under the bridge, though, Myrtle.
I thought I would bring my prescription bottle on my appointment and offer a trade, the old .5 mg pills for a new prescription. You see, I would like my next step-down not to be from .25 (half my pill) every day to every other day, but from .25 to .125 (half a .25 pill). I do not think I could accurately quarter my current pills. If she will switch the prescription, I would do two weeks on .125 and then go to every other day and then every third day, etc. I think that would be better for me. If I ask, the worst that can happen is that the surgeon tells me to wait until I see my GP on the 20th.
I admit that I was awful nervous as the clock wound toward midnight. I wondered if I would have further fall-out and was tempted to take the next dose early. But I did not. I am trying to be patient and to be really, really, really thankful that after the overwhelming misery of that first night, I can manage where I am at now. Mentally, I do not feel ... down. Mostly, I feel positive about the choice and how it is going. However, like I said, the constant headache is a burden. I hope ... most fervently hope ... that that symptom is not one that drags on and on and on like so many folk talk about the protracted withdrawal from Xanax can be.
On a different note, if you are at all interested in other's home renovations, I would highly recommend that you check out the rather impressive and highly economical makeover this couple gave their kitchen. I was surprised and inspired to go find something to renovate!
Amos just sighed and told me to go rest instead.
Cheeky sheepgoatcatratbastardpuppydog, eh?
SMILE.
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